Hi, I’m Coach A=Man, and today I would be breaking down this newsletter called “Why ‘Applying Pressure’ Chases Her Away’.
Quick Summary
A man should never chase a woman. Instead, what he should be chasing is the vision of himself in a much better place. A place of abundance with work, money, opportunities, women, and everything else. The abundance of options to choose what will be the best for him so he can give his value and get an equal amount of value to what he gives. Masculine energy is focusing on the his personal goals and anything else that improves him as a man and a better person. Anything else besides these will ruin the relationship dynamics with a woman. Doing the opposite is the reason why she pulls away. We have this message from a guy who says why “applying pressure” is counterproductive to getting what you want, which is her. We’ll analyze this, break it down why, and know what to do instead.
So let’s go through his email.
“Why ‘Applying Pressure’ Chases Her Away
All of us have heard about “applying pressure” when dating and I just want to share that it’s a myth. If a woman is into you and you’re putting in effort with her, you don’t have to apply any pressure, she’ll just gravitate towards you. If she is not into you there is not enough pressure in the world to make her want you.
Applying pressure is something people who want to use you say, they want to get as much out of you as they can and they use the bait that if you just try harder that this will magically make them see your worth and want you. It won’t. It never will. People who don’t want you will never value you and will never want you no matter how much you want them. Focus your attention elsewhere.
And remember as I said, when you as a man are putting in sufficient effort and she is into you. That’s what’s important, don’t forget that piece, do your part men and you’ll be better off.”
Why “Applying Pressure” Doesn’t Work
Masculine energy in relationship dynamics is represented by qualities such as direction, purpose, leadership, grounded strength, and inner strength. It’s about being driven, being decisive even through hard decisions when emotions are also involved, protective, and providing a sense of stability and challenge. Masculine energy is often associated as being more outward rather than inward. As a man, you naturally want to do stuff. You naturally want to shift your focus on a goal and have clear step-by-steps and definite instructions to achieve it. This is what usually happens in relationships from the guys’ end. Since women are not like men, men assume that the more action and the more they “apply pressure”, the more attracted the woman that they are interested in will be. Men most of the time forget that women fall in love differently to how men fall in love and that is not how it works.
Feminine energy embodies the qualities of openness, receptivity, intuition, nurturing, and emotional expression. It’s about flow of love, connection, and creating a supportive, inviting space. It’s more inwards . It’s feelings and emotions based. As so, women fall in love by feeling safe and when they feel that they are deeply understood, when they experience consistent emotional connection, and being in the presence of a masculine energy that makes them feel that she is wanted and cherished, allowing her to feel her feminine essence freely. He lets her freely feel what she needs to feel, come and go freely as she feels, and express her emotions freely as she feels. Women fall in love with the man’s purpose that is beyond him and her, beyond his confidence, and through how he makes the women feel when he demonstrates leadership and emotional strength by showing desperation, without chasing and not being needy.
The root issue is that men tend to project their own fantasy and desire for direct action and goal achievement onto women, not truly understanding what increases her attraction levels. Men assume that “doing stuff”, “applying pressure”, or “doing more” will achieve their goal of attracting a woman, but this actually destroys the polarity and attraction that women need to fall in love with them. When women are pressured or are being chased, they feel unsafe and misunderstood, which repels them rather than drawing them closer. It’s the idea of a man trying to win her through action that actively diminishes what she is feeling.
How She Sees It
“Applying Pressure” towards her destroys the polarity and her attraction to you because “attraction is not a choice”. When you press her, chase her, or try to force a connection by doing more, a woman feels unsafe with you and suffocated. This behavior signals desperation, low self-value for yourself, and a lack of understanding of feminine energy. Instead of her feeling cherished, desired, and to let her be free to express her emotions, she instead feels pursued and trapped. Which fundamentally repels her and causes her to pull away, as attraction cannot be coerced. Read my article on this called “What Are The Biggest Mistakes Men Make That Push Women Away?” and “Why Do Women Pull Away Even When Things Seem Good?” for a more detailed breakdown.
A woman perceives a man who “applies pressure” as needy, lacking in value, and easily controlled. He shows her that he doesn’t have anything worth chasing in his life that makes him better, such as work, his mindset, his body, or something else that he can work on that benefits him and his future. This behavior broadcasts a man’s desperation, effectively removing any sense of scarcity or mystery, both that fuels desire and attraction for you. He reveals too much too soon, becoming predictable and not becoming a “challenge” for her. As for the opposite, a man who carries himself with confidence and shows less obvious effort, practicing emotional mastery, projects an aura of high value and self-possession. His calm detachment with her, subtly implies that he has other options and a purpose beyond her. This creates intrigue and draws her in. What is unobtainable or challenging is inherently more desirable. A woman wants to work for his man’s attention, not the other way around. It is a scientifically proven fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear.
How You Should Think
When a man resorts to “applying pressure” or the illusion of action, he projects to the woman his weakness, a desperation for her, and that he does not have control over his emotions. If he can’t control his emotions then she wouldn’t be able to trust him to make her feel safe and free to do what she wants to do and free to say whatever she wants to say. Instead he shows her that he can’t provide stability. He can become unpredictable and wild because he doesn’t know how to control himself. This behavior practically makes him appear weak, has no inner strength, and is easily manipulated. I would argue that by chasing, he hands all the leverage to the woman, diminishing his own perceived power and value in the relationship. Women don’t want to be in control in the relationship. They just want to be invited and to “join” the fun. She just wants to be pretty, look nice, be in her emotions, laugh, talk about anything non-stop, and be desired by the man she chose to be with. A man should maintain composure and never show such neediness, as this vulnerability makes him lose his perceived value in her eyes, which causes her to lose the attraction that she initially had towards him. The ideal relationship dynamics is when a woman is chasing more than he is chasing her.
“Applying pressure” is a classic “illusion of action” because it makes him feel proactive and productive. It makes him feel as if he’s actively working towards a goal, when in reality he’s achieving the opposite effect. Men tend to forget that women are not men. Women are not attracted to what men are attracted to. When you constantly “apply pressure”, you inadvertently destroy the very attraction that you need for her to be attracted to you. He’s not only pushing the woman away, but also draining his own energy, damaging his self-esteem, self-respect, and becoming emotionally invested in an outcome he has no control over. This self-defeating behavior traps him in a cycle of frustration because he does not get what he wants, making him appear more desperate and preventing him from focusing on genuine self-improvement that actually attracts women.
What You Should Do
Step 1: Focus on Yourself
Instructions: The first step you should do is redirect your energy from obsessing over a woman to building your own extraordinary life. Put all your focus, energy, and discipline intensely on your career, passions, physical fitness, and expanding your own social circle, simultaneously and continuously. Practice detaching your happiness and self-worth from any specific woman’s approval or outcome, and instead focus it all on yourself.
Why This Works: Why this works is because it changes you from a needy pursuer into a high-value, purposeful man. A man who’s working on himself, doing things that benefits him, and things that he gets value from as well. It also creates a vacuum that she might be drawn into and signals to her that you are complete and can function independently, which increases your attractiveness to her and improves your inner power.
Step 2: Initiate Contact with Clear Intentions
Instructions: If you find the woman you are interested in, start contact with her with a clear and definite invitation. Focus on “Hanging out, Having fun, and Hooking up”. Don’t over analyze. Keep it short, say your intentions, tell her that you fancy her, tell her that you want to get to know her because you are interested in her, and put yourself out there with the possibility of being hurt trying to achieve what you truly want, which is to be with her. Read her attraction levels towards you and read the subtle signs that she gives. Do not send multiple texts without a reply, don’t beg for attention, don’t act as her emotional confidant, or force her to go out with you. Your effort should be seen as an invitation for her to join your fun and your life. Remember that you do not work or are reliant on her validation. Keep it short, focus on your life and remember you have value, and say your clear intentions with her, and leave it to that.
Why This Works: This approach puts you in the best position from a place of power. It respects her autonomy and her space, it avoids unnecessary pressure, and it makes it easy for her to say “yes” if she’s interested. It allows her to feel safe and experience the positive emotions associated with you, while you maintain your masculine frame and lead the interaction. Remember to stand your ground, remember that you are a man of value, and to have a mindset that she should be thankful and honored that you gave your time to her but not in a rude and weird way but fun and clear.
Step 3: Observe Her Reciprocity & Act Decisively
Instructions: After you extend a clear, fun invitation, now you have to wait for her to respond back and to observe what she says back and how she says it. It’s just as important to hear what she says as well as to look at the subtle signs that she will give you. This will give you a more deeper insight on what her true attraction level is. If she enthusiastically meets you halfway with her own time, effort, and interest, then do continue. If she consistently makes excuses, gives dry replies, or doesn’t reciprocate effort, it’s a clear signal of low interest. Remember that no and reasons are the same. So just move on. Say your goodbye but don’t be rude, tell her that you still want to see her if she changes her mind, and just say your goodbye and never look back. Don’t look back for any reason until she shows interest in you again. Just be prepared for this outcome when you approach her, be calm, and shift your focus entirely away from her if you don’t get what you want. Like a game of tennis, when you say your clear interest and intention to her, you are hitting the ball to her court. Now you have to wait for her to hit the ball back. Listen and hear what she says back to properly assess her attraction level.
Why This Works: Her action and effort is the only true way to know her genuine interest in you and her willingness to invest in the relationship. By recognizing and reading this without your judgement and your emotions, you avoid wasting your valuable time and emotional energy on those who don’t truly desire you. You don’t want someone who doesn’t want you in your life. Remember that life is already hard as a man so what you want in a woman is a woman who makes life easier and fun for you. This decisive action of walking away, when she’s not contributing and showing interest in you, demonstrates self-respect and power. As such, it makes you more attractive to women who are interested, and it gives you an option that frees you to find someone who genuinely values you.
How You Should Be
True attraction for a man starts from a man’s authentic purpose and unshakable self-worth. He’s not under the illusion that to get her to want him more is to “ apply more pressure”. This means understanding that a woman is drawn to the strength of your internal world. She is not attracted just by what you do, but because of your drive, your confidence, and your inherent value as a man with a mission beyond just finding a partner or beyond just to get her. Any attempt to force, convince, or manipulate her interest through “pressure” and “illusion of action” is fundamentally misaligned with the understanding to how genuine attraction works from her perspective, and it actively repels the very connection you want to have with her.
Lead your own life with passion and clarity. Remember that women for a man should be a compliment. She’s not his whole life and she’s not the goal. You as a man should be self-sufficient and independent, and you invite the woman to join you because she will make it better and more fun. A man with a purpose never chases nor wants to chase. This rule emphasizes that your primary focus in life should be on building a life you love and pursuing your goals relentlessly. When you invite a woman into your world, you do so from a place of abundance and self-respect. If she reciprocates with genuine interest and effort, you continue to share your world to her and make it fun for her. If she doesn’t, you don’t engage in any more chasing or convincing. You stop. Instead, you calmly and decisively move on. What this does is preserve your dignity and free your energy for opportunities with women who truly value you.
