Hi, I’m Coach A-Man, and today I would be breaking down this newsletter called ‘What are the Biggest Mistakes Men Make That Push Her Away?’.
Quick Summary
Keeping and maintaining her attraction is a skill. Like any other skills, there are things to do and not do to make reaching your goals easier. With women there are hundreds of things that make her more attracted to you and there are thousands that make her lose attraction to you. Here I give you three of the worst things that you can do that makes her attracted to you. These are according to women. I’ll break them down so you can understand what they are, what they look like, and why they push women away. By understanding and actively avoiding these common mistakes, you can fundamentally shift the relationship dynamics, become more genuinely confident, and attract the women that you want from a place of strength and purpose, rather than insecurity, and to maintain her interest.
Biggest Mistakes Men Make That Push Women Away
Relationships are a skill. It’s not something that you are born with. Like any other skill, it needs continuous effort, and relentless practice if you want to be good at it. Your relationship towards your partner, family, with yourself, and life is all a reflection of your relationship skills. You can work on the quality of the relationship. Relationships are a skill that you can work on and the results of it you have no one to blame but yourself. It can be beautiful or it can be chaotic. It’s both in your hands.
Understand that there is a formula for what attracts and repels women. Since not many men work on their relationship skills, they assume they know everything. But in most cases what they do is always counterproductive. These mistakes come from the lack of self-awareness, poor understanding of relationship dynamics, and they come from a position of reaction rather than come from a strategic mindset.
The core principle to understanding women is through their attraction level. It’s not about the guys’ looks. I know you have seen not so good looking brothers out there dating the most gorgeous beauty queen hotties. It’s not all about their looks. It’s about gauging her attraction towards you and working on increasing it. Women are attracted to men differently than men are attracted to women. For us guys, the first thing we look at that catches our attention is their looks and physical appearance. For women, it takes a long time for them to be attracted because they are attracted with what you say to them and what your character is. They look at who you are and look at you and test if you’re that masculine guy that they are looking for.
Here are the biggest mistakes men make, based from women, that pushes them away:
- Desperation – Chasing & Over-Pursuing
- The Lost Man – No Purpose & No Masculine Frame
- Friend Zone – Her Emotional Tampon & Girl ‘Friend’
- Indecisiveness – Doesn’t Lead or Set Clear Dates
- Negativity – Complaining, Blaming, & Negativity
1. Desperation – Chasing & Over-Pursuing
This is arguably the main deal breaker for a woman. This drops her attraction level drastically more than the others. If she is 50/50 with her attraction to you, especially on the dating stage, if you show that you are desperate and you’re chasing and over-pursuing, you will lose her. If you are in a long term relationship, or just in the middle-term relationship, if you show that you are desperate and you’re chasing and over-pursuing, you will lose her. Very common and potent mistake for men. Highly undesirable to her eyes and it absolutely ruins attraction. Let’s break it down for you.
What Does Desperation Look Like?
It’s the constant texting, calling, asking “where are you?”, showing up uninvited to her house or work, begging, pleading, trying to “convince” her, acting jealous or insecure, or even giving excessive gifts too early. Anything that screams that ‘you’re’ insecure to have her, or that you don’t feel that you’re enough for her, or doing too much because you ‘think’ that you’ll convince her to ‘want you’ more. It’s the desperation aspect that you are not convinced that you are worthy of her. You don’t think you have value to offer her, and she can feel it.
Why Does Desperation Push Her Away?
Attraction is not a choice. A woman is a person just like you. There’s a general theme on what women find attractive because of their feminine energy. But as a person like you, she’s raised to show she is raised and she’ll have a personal taste on what she will find attractive or not. That’s the end of the story. You can’t force her by becoming desperate nor should you want to. You can’t force her to want it because that is like saying to her that you don’t like who she is. Wouldn’t that be offensive? She is who she is and you can’t change her. Desperation shows her and makes her feel that she is not enough and that you don’t like who she is. That is why desperation pushes her away. When she pulls away to test your desperation, the more you chase the more desperate you’ll look and it’ll confirm her choice and make her pull away for good.
The more beautiful a girl is, the more desperate men she’ll have trying to lock her down. She might find it flattering in that sense, but she doesn’t make her attracted to you. How do you know that she doesn’t find it attractive? She’s not chasing these desperate guys and making love to them. Desperation shows her that you have no value and that you have no other options. Women don’t want men who have no options. It changes your perspective to her from the ‘chooser’ to that chaser. It ruins the relationship dynamics of the ‘woman chasing the man’ and it will ruin the relationship because there is no polarity.
What is easily obtained has no value. The difference between a pebble that you can find on a beach and gold, is that gold is harder to get. Your endless chasing and you giving your attention away makes you like a pebble on the beach. You remove the challenge and the mystery from her and you become more common. You make your perceived value ‘cheap’ and worthless. The dating game is like a game of tennis. You’ve already hit the ball to her court and it’s up to her to hit it back to you. If you don’t pull away to create absence, you cheapen your self-respect and self-honor and it all ruins the attraction polarity.
2. The Lost Man – No Purpose & No Masculine Frame
When your life revolves around her, you lose your appeal. Healthy relationships should be between two whole, independent, and contented individuals. Both should have their own ‘life’ outside the relationship. If you lose your purpose in life, you also lose your personality, identity, and it creates an imbalance and pressure that ruins the relationship dynamics. This is more felt when a man doesn’t have a purpose. It makes her woman feel that he got nothing and no desire to become better. No woman will enjoy being with a man like this. A man with no purpose has no frame, and this will allow her to walk all over you which then will make her pull away and test. And since you have no purpose, you’ll become desperate and chase her and you will chase her away for good.
What Does a Lost Man Look Like?
Making her your sole and only focus in life, neglecting your career, neglecting your priorities, hobbies, friends, and personal growth are all signs of what a lost man looks like. Since he doesn’t have anything to do, he focuses on the woman. Giving up all of his time and effort to her because he has nothing to do. He aims to overly please her with his time. instead of focusing on himself so he becomes better. A lost man constantly asks for her validation and permission. He is aimless in life and overly passive.
Why Does Being a Lost Man Push Her Away?
Men are most attractive to women when they are focused on their purpose. It shows that he is masculine. It shows her that he has direction, purpose, leadership, and an internal grounded strength. This makes the feminine energy safe. He is driven, decisive, and shows that he has stability and has a sense of little challenge. He works on himself. When things are not the way he wants to be, he is calm, plans his next move, executes it, lets it go, and repeats it until he is satisfied. When you shift your purpose to her and she becomes the only purpose you have in life, you lose your masculine energy to the feminine energy. A woman wants to be a priority but not ‘the’ priority. Women want the man to be driven. She wants him to have a life outside of her and their relationship.
When you make her your purpose, you fail yourself. You women will feel this. Instead of becoming who you should be, focus on improving, and becoming an exceptional individual, but instead you drop everything to ‘please’ her. In her mind this feels shallow and superficial. It makes her feel that when things are tough, when you are in a situation that involves emotions, instead of doing the right things, you become emotional and you let the situation run you. It signals weakness and that you lack self-control, making you dull, mellow, and uninspiring. A man that has no clear direction or self-reliance can be easily manipulated. As a result, he is less respected. He is emotionally weak, lacks the courage to do what needs to be done. No inner strength and no way you’ll keep her.
3. Friend Zone – Her Emotional Tampon & Girl ‘Friend’
Confusing emotional support for romantic attraction. Being a ‘friend’ to her is unattractive because it ruins the polarity of a ‘romantic and sexual’ relationship. It positions the man as a safe and trusted friend, which you don’t want to be, instead of becoming a passionate and intimate partner, which is what you truly want. It literally takes all the sexual polarity in the relationship. This prevents the woman’s feminine energy to see him as a potential, desired love, putting him in a platonic role despite his romantic interest with her. You are not being assertive and saying your clear intention about what you want with her, and are scared of explaining what you want with her and the relationship, all of which are counter-productive to attracting her.
What Does the Friend Zone Look Like?
When a guy would consistently spend hours listening to her vent about her dating struggles with ‘other’ men or giving endless sympathy for her without redirecting the conversation to their own romantic potential. He positions himself as her ‘go-to’ when she needs emotional support and a ‘shoulder to cry on’, instead of becoming a love interest for her. He’ll position himself to get her to invite him to do ‘girlfriend’ activities, like shopping for clothes, gossiping dramas, and all of this with the intention to be her ‘friend’, maintaining this friendship role without any path for romantic progression which is what he truly wants but is scared to ‘lose’ her. But the fact that he is ‘afraid’ to lose her is what is actually happening. But he is under the delusion that one day she will ‘change’ her mind and she’ll fall in love with him
Why Does the Friend Zone Push Her Away?
When a guy is ‘Mr. Nice Guy’ and acts as the male girl ‘Friend’, who is the emotional supportive and platonic friend, he is lying to her about his true intentions as well as lying to himself. What you want to be is her lover. When you take the friendship pathway, what you are essentially doing is that you hope at the end that she’ll see that you are not like the ‘other’ guys and that you are what she have been looking for all along. You lose sexual tension this way. What you are doing is making her not see you as potential lover. But instead you are friend-zoning yourself. Very pointless and it makes her see you as weak.
Becoming overly available and emotionally vulnerable with her, you reveal too much too soon and it takes the mystery away. Mystery of who you are to her is what intrigues and increases her interest. Mystery of who you are gives you more value to her. There is a scientific study that states that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. When you become the friend and the ‘confidant’, you take the mystery of the potential dating for you two, and it takes the fun and the chase away from her, which loses the attraction polarity.
You fail to project a strong, self-reliant, confident, and decisive image of you to her. You become useful to her, yes, but not desired. You are seen as a tool to be used rather than a respected and desired partner. Women want masculine energy and leadership in romantic partners. They have plenty of friends for emotional support. Confusing these two roles ruins romantic polarity.
