Hi, I’m Coach A-Man, and today I would be breaking down this newsletter called “The Secret To Getting Your Ex Back”.
Quick Summary
I know and see that a lot of you men are out here struggling after a breakup. It’s always hard for us I know. You’re confused, hurting, and desperately looking for answers and what to do. Most of the time it’s always the woman breaking up the relationship and is the one who is usually pulling away on average. As so, what most men do here is try and get her back and try to convince her to want him back. Or sometimes if the man is logical, what he does is to analyze what he did wrong, get better and move on. But either way it’s hard I know. I’ve been there in your situation. You go to YouTube, Reddit, Articles, and Googling ways to get her back and you hope for that one thing that you can do, the one secret line, that special technique that will make you run back to you.
As your coach, I want to give you the best odds to get what you want so I have to tell you the reality as it is, there’s no secret technique, there’s no one word line, and there’s no gift that you can do to get her back. The “magic” that you are looking for isn’t external, but internal work. You have to understand the reality first, what works and what doesn’t, and understand that truly so you know how to move to get what you want.
I saw a reddit post that nailed this spot on. You can name it whatever from “unknowable force”, “the universe”, or “cosmic karma”, but keep in mind that it’s the concept and the idea that you need to understand. It’s not what you should do, but how and why you do it. What you need to understand is the fundamental knowledge of how her mind works, the human psychology behind it, and how good relationship dynamics really work.
So let’s go through his message.
The Secret To Getting Your Ex Back
I don’t believe in psychics, astrology, or even God, but I believe and have found this to be true:
There is some unknowable force in the universe which tells your ex you have moved on.
THAT is when they come back.
The catch is you only have a limited amount of time to reach this stage before it’s too late and if you don’t reach it in time, if you’re still contacting them, checking their social media, wishing for one more chance – they’re NEVER going to come back. Ever.
It sounds counter intuitive, but if you want them back, you’ve got to move on. And when they do come back, then you’ll get to decide if you still even want them anymore.
You’re wasting your time here trying to find answers, desperately clicking every post title with the phrase “they always come back,” searching through the comments to find something, anything that gives you hope.
You won’t find your answers here. The answer is inside of you. Are you willing to do the work?
Move on like your life depended on it. Keep yourself as busy as possible meeting new people, learning new skills, visiting new places, and experiencing new things. Work on yourself. Become the best possible version of yourself. Even if at first you’re just pretending to move on, eventually, you’ll actually move on. It may not be easy to do, but it is really that simple.
Desperation Kills Attraction
He mentioned on the post:
“There is some unknowable force in the universe which tells your ex you have moved on. THAT is when they come back. The catch is you only have a limited amount of time to reach this stage before it’s too late and if you don’t reach it in time, if you’re still contacting them, checking their social media, wishing for one more chance – they’re NEVER going to come back. Ever.”
Understand that this is basic human psychology and not some ‘mystical force” or the “universe speaking”. The law for this is the “Law of Opposites”. Don’t over complicate it and understand the idea. It means that the harder you try to force someone to be interested or come back to you, the more you push and repel them away. On the other hand, when you relax, focus on your own life, focus on your personal growth, focus and follow your purpose, and you show that you’re okay without them, that very independence that you show and the lack of neediness is what often makes them curious and draws them back. People want what they can’t have. Understand that the idea in short is that desperation repels, and independence attracts. This is pure and simple. The sooner you understand this and implement it, the sooner you’ll understand that it works. It’s risky to try it and let go of her, but that is the main reason why you do it. You have to let her go, and wonder about you. This is what will cause her attraction towards you to go up, and you focus on yourself to distract yourself from her and to focus on what actually will make you a better person.
If you are constantly begging after a breakup when your girl leaves you constantly chasing, begging, double-texting, showing up to her house unannounced, browsing through photos of her, or browsing her social media, what you are doing here is showing yourself that you are needy and desperate. This is the ultimate attraction killer for any woman. Read my newsletter called “What Are The Biggest Mistakes Men Make That Push Her Away?” for a more detailed breakdown. First off it’s contrast to the “Law of Opposites” and it screams that “My happiness depends on her. I have no life, no purpose, no goal, no self-worth without her!”.
Women Come And Goes
Understand that a woman is like the weather, and a man is like a mountain. When she pulls away, you just have to let her go because what she’s doing here is testing your frame and your masculinity to see how desperate you are for her and how you handle her. She wants to see if you’re truly grounded, if you’re just putting on a face or an act, or if you’re going to crumble and chase after her. If you chase after, she will lose respect for you. Her attraction towards you, if you still have any, will be gone. She will see you as weak, desperate, and no longer the strong man she was once drawn to at first. Remember that it is a scientifically proven fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. In a healthy ideal relationship dynamics, the woman is chasing and wanting the man more than he wants her. That’s just how it is. Women are like cats. The more you try to force them to hold them or come to you, the more they will run away. Like the cat, you just have to let her go and come as she pleases.
Women don’t want a man who orbits her. Women don’t want a man who is unsure about his feelings towards her, who is flimsy, weak, and doesn’t take the leadership role. She wants a man who is on his purpose, building his own amazing life, and then he invites her to make it better as a compliment or like a “cherry on top”. She is the complement to his life, not the goal. She makes it better and easy for him, but she is not his everything. When you make her the center of your universe, the most important thing in your life, show her that you don’t have a life outside of her, what you’re actually doing is ruining her desire to be with you. You’re ruining sexual polarity and attraction.. She wants to be part of your life, not the priority.
Your Strategy
What you should focus on is understanding yourself, knowing what you truly want to be satisfied and happy with your own life, and understanding how reality and attraction really works.
Understand that when you are needy and desperate, what you’re doing here really is you’re giving away all your power and respect away from the relationship. When you become self-sufficient and detached from the relationship, you become the one who commands your situation. There is a famous saying that states, “The person who needs nothing commands everything.”. Understand that your absence and indifference are the very things that make your presence desirable again. Again, you are not trying to be rude here or anything or be thinking of revengeful thoughts. The idea is that you are just focused on your life and your purpose. Remember that you are a man who’s fun and easy going, not rude and desperate. Understand the difference and understand that it is a balance. You become the prize this way because you are no longer chasing her or the relationship.
How To Actually “Move On”
Recenter your life on yourself and your purpose after a break-up, before a relationship, and during a relationship. Whenever or whatever happens, understand that the only thing you have in this life is yourself. No one’s gonna truly love you and take care of you like how you should take care of yourself. Keep in mind that the only way to create the space for her to miss you, and potentially come back to you, to genuinely change your perspective in life into focusing your time, attention, and energy to yourself. There is no trick or special moves that I can teach you to get her back or move on but teach you how you should think and the concept behind it. I’m showing you here is a fundamental change and recalibration of your perspective for your life.
Things To Do To Move On
I’ll list here the things and their explanations that you should be focusing on to “Move On”:
- Go No Contact
- Focus on Your Purpose
- Work on Yourself
- Embrace Indifference
Go No Contact
Do not text, call, check her social media, “accidentally” see her in person, no emails, no nothing. Do not reach out. None. Zero. No Contact. This is about giving her the space to wonder about you and giving yourself time to heal for the better, to grow, and do things that actually will benefit you..
Focus on Your Purpose
Re-engage and do more with your career, your hobbies, your passions, your gym goals, and anything that is aligned with what you want to do. What are your goals? Sit yourself down and have a deep chat with yourself and determine this. What things fire you up and make you motivated to wake up in the morning and do? Only you can know and determine this. If you find it, pour your energy into it then become the best version of yourself.
Work on Yourself
Hit the gym, eat well, and get enough sleep. Try reading new books, learning new skills, and doing new routines. Expand your social circle and the people you know. Meet new people and go to new places. Date other women. This isn’t just about making her jealous but rather shifting the focus on your own growth and it’s about making yourself genuinely happy and fulfilled.
Embrace Indifference
Even if it feels fake and awkward at first, try and force yourself to work towards a state of mind where you’d be okay if she never came back. Understand that that’s the way life goes and sometimes it doesn’t go your way but you have to be okay with it. Fake the belief and lie to yourself if you have to. This will allow you to heal and have a new and better insight for your life. This inner indifference can radiate outwards and is profoundly attractive because it is a masculine trait because you are finding yourself and your purpose through it.
