Hi, I’m Coach A-Man, and today I will be breaking down this newsletter called ‘Online Dating Advice For Men
Mastering Your Inner World
Before you even craft a profile, you must understand that the battlefield is not the dating app itself, but your own mind. As Sun Tzu teaches, “Every battle is won or lost before it’s ever fought.” Your success begins with a strategic mindset, one that prioritizes your purpose and self-respect over the fleeting validation of a match or a like. Preparation is very important. Your image and how you display yourself online is your physical appearance… but for online.
According to The Way of the Superior Man, your primary focus is not on women, but on your purpose. Everything that you do should be based on your life’s mission. This isn’t about being a workaholic; it’s about having a direction that animates your life with meaning. This deep sense of purpose is the masculine core that women are naturally drawn to. It creates a powerful, energetic polarity. When you live for external validation from others, you project a “needy” frame. This signals to others, on a subconscious level, a lack of self-sufficiency and emotional integrity. This isn’t about being a “nice guy” or a “jerk.” It’s about being a man who knows his own value and lives in service of something bigger than his own ego.
This inner state is your foundation. Without it, you’ll find yourself constantly adjusting your profile, your messages, and your personality to please others, which is the most potent form of self-sabotage. They will all be worthless if you don’t know how to make it work and utilize your strengths and weaknesses if you don’t have that foundation. This is why most men get zero matches and zero results even in the online world. Just like in the real world, your image is very important and it starts inside you.
Practical Tactics For Online
This is your guide to taking direct, deliberate action. These tips are not about faking it; they’re about aligning your external actions with your internal reality. Attention grabbing, fun, and curiosity are the key concepts that you want to incorporate in your online presence.
Profile & First Impressions
1. The Profile is Your Front Line: Your profile isn’t a resume; it’s a strategic snapshot of your most compelling self. Every photo and word should serve a purpose. Your main priority should be to grab attention. Attention gets you traffic and views, and this can be converted into your wins. Make your photos attention grabbing. It can be a little goofy, exciting, fun, or even something that is going to make her message you first. In your bio, it should have attention grabbing facts that will make her think or even message you. Say that you are a secret spy for your work so everything you do is very secretive that is why you work at Starbucks so that you can blend in the crowd. Just anything that will grab her attention, and better yet something that will make her message you first. Maybe put photos of you with dogs, photos of you with kids that are your nephews or something because women like men that are good with kids, or even traveling. Women wants to travel so that can also be used to get a conversation out of her
2. Quality Over Quantity: Use 4-6 high-quality photos. No selfies in the bathroom mirror. No photos where you’re surrounded by an army of attractive women (it looks insecure). Photos should show you actively engaged in your purpose or hobbies. Like I said, the more attention grabbing it is, the more fun, the more social, the more it strikes curiosity, the better. Try and use photos that are taken by someone and it’s not a selfie. Getting your photo taken by someone and if the angle looks good and all that, it looks like your photos are taken professionally or at least by someone good with cameras.
3. Demonstrate, Don’t Declare: Instead of writing “I’m adventurous,” show a photo of you hiking. Instead of “I’m funny,” write a witty caption. This is a core principle from The Art of Seduction—show, don’t tell. Make sure that your bios are fun. Don’t put too dry and straight forward stuff. Don’t say that you work at a coffee shop, say that you are a biologist and machinist scientist. Say something that is attention grabbing and fun. This will show her that you are fun, easy going, and exciting.
4. The Power of Absence: Leave a little mystery. Don’t fill out every single prompt. A dash of intrigue makes a woman want to learn more. Mystery is also a powerful factor. The teasing effect.
5. Body Language Matters: In your photos, stand tall with your shoulders back and chest out. This is a primal display of confidence, rooted in evolutionary biology. A relaxed, open posture is key. Don’t smile too much and show your teeth too much that you start to look geeky or nerdy. Just try to keep it natural that you have done this before like a celebrity who has got their photos taken all the time. Just a calm, confident, little smile that just says I’m happy but not too happy, excited but not too excited, the middle ground
6. Eye Contact is Magnetic: Look directly at the camera in at least one photo. Eye contact is a powerful tool for building connection and trust.
7. Be Specific: Generic lines like “I love to travel” get lost. “I’m currently planning a trip to a secluded cabin in the Smoky Mountains” is specific and intriguing. Remember, attention grabbing, funny, and curiosity is the image that you want to look like.
8. Vet Your Photos: Ask a female friend for honest feedback on your photos. They often see things you don’t. Women are very good with image, so an opinion of a female will definitely give you more boost.
Building Your Inner Power
1. The Daily Laws: Implement a daily routine that builds self-esteem. As The 50th Law teaches, courage is a habit. I have mentioned very detailed tactics and approaches that you can do in this newsletter called “Confidence is Your #1 Priority”!
2. Master Your Mission: Spend time each day working on your life’s purpose, whether it’s a side project, a workout, or a skill. This anchors you and makes you less dependent on external validation.
3. Embrace Unpleasantness: Take cold showers, run when you don’t want to, and face difficult conversations. This builds a tolerance for discomfort, which translates into an unshakeable frame in dating.
4. Social Momentum: Make it a habit to say “hello” to a stranger every day. This builds conversational skills and reduces the anxiety of approaching new people.
5. Dress for Your Desired Self: Wear clothes that make you feel powerful, not just comfortable. Your wardrobe is a form of armor and a declaration of self-respect.
6. Physicality: Lift weights or engage in some form of physical activity. A strong body supports a strong mind.
7. Audit Your Social Media: Make sure your social media presence reflects the person you want to be. Your profile is a reflection of your world.
8. Practice Honesty: Practice saying what you truly think, not what you think others want to hear. Honesty is the foundation of authenticity.
9. Acknowledge Your Flaws: True confidence isn’t the absence of insecurity; it’s the acceptance of it. Knowing your weaknesses and embracing them is a sign of strength.
10. Define Your Values: Know what you want in a partner and what you bring to the table. This clarity saves you time and emotional energy.
Communication & Conversation
1. The First Message: Go beyond “hey” or “what’s up.” That is boring and not attention grabbing. That is what most guys do, and they get no results. Reference something specific in her profile to show you actually read it. What I do is ask her. If she lives in New York, then I would message her and say “New York?”. Women love answering questions so ask her questions. It’s attention grabbing.
2. The Power of Open-Ended Questions: Instead of “Do you like to hike?” ask “What’s the most beautiful place you’ve ever hiked?” This requires a more detailed response and opens up conversation. The key here again is to ask questions that lead to other questions.
3. The Pause: Don’t feel the need to fill every silence. A strategic pause can build tension and allow the other person to speak. 80% she is talking and 20% is you talking. This is the golden ratio to understanding women. Women love to talk, so ask them more questions. Add questions within the question. Let her talk and open up to you. If she is open to you, so will her legs.
4. Don’t Interview, Connect: Stop with the rapid-fire, dry, interview questions. Weave your own stories and opinions into the conversation. It’s a dialogue, not an interrogation. Make it personal. Obviously don’t be weird and ask generic questions like what’s your favourite colour. The idea is to make her feel special, make the conversation fun for her. Add little jokes, banters, back and forth, friendly disagreements. Make it fun.
5. Listen to Understand, Not to Reply: Pay close attention to what she says. This allows you to ask follow-up questions that feel personal and genuine. She will ask you again about the things that she has mentioned. This is one of the tests that women do. If there’s too much information, then you better at least get the idea and the keywords or she’ll be upset because you were not listening.
6. Vulnerability as Strength: Share a personal, non-self-deprecating story that reveals a part of who you are. This builds trust and shows that you are a real person, not a persona. Make sure to open up only 20% of the time. This is enough to make yourself open to her and vulnerable, and also this is very important so that you can keep your mystery to her. If she knows everything about you, then there’s no fun. Over time she’ll know you more and more, and the more and longer she knows you, the more in love she will be.
7. The Banter Mindset: Frame conversation as playful banter, not serious dialogue. This creates a lighter, more enjoyable dynamic. Again, back to the 80/20 rule. 80% of the time you are playful, interesting, then the 20% of the time you can do banter or sexual innuendos. If you are not confident, stay away from the sexual innuendos because you will mess the joke up and you will spoil what you have worked on.
8. Lead with Your Intentions: Once you’ve established a connection, don’t be afraid to suggest a specific, low-stakes date. “Let’s grab a coffee on Thursday” is a clear, decisive action. Escalate is the key idea here. After your initial message and after you get her to start talking and opening up, then it’s important to cut the messages short while it is still hot and tell her that messaging her is fun and that you should take her out. Remember, you as a man should lead. When you get to this point, when you ask her to go out on a date, make sure that there is a specific place, time, and arrangement. Don’t ask her. Invite her to go out with you because you’d love to have her company because she is fun, interesting, and that you are attracted to her so you’ll love to get to know her more in person.
9. Don’t Text Her to Death: Once a rapport is established, move the conversation off the app and toward a real-life meeting. An important factor to consider, if you feel like she is ignoring you because she responds too late and her responses are too dry, then she is ignoring you. Everyone is on their phones all time and everyone knows when they get messages. The only reason she is not responding well is because she is not attracted. It’s much better to move on and never look back.
10. Authenticity is Your Weapon: Ultimately, the best communication strategy is to be your authentic self. The goal is to find someone who connects with the real you, not a version you think they’ll like.
The Long Game: Repetition and Character Building
This is not a checklist of tips to be used once. This is a process of self-mastery that you repeat until it becomes part of your identity. Through repetition, only then you will gain the knowledge. Simple as that. You are not building a persona; you are forging a new character. The 50th Law teaches that we must embrace the long, disciplined process of mastery.
Your repetition checklist:
- Did I work on my purpose today?
- Did I engage in a physical or mental challenge?
- Did I express my authentic opinion at least once?
- Did I practice a communication skill in a low-stakes environment?
By consistently practicing these principles, you are not just getting better at dating; you are becoming a more confident, purposeful, and attractive man. This isn’t about manipulation; it’s about aligning who you are on the inside with how you present yourself on the outside.
