Hi, I’m Coach A-Man, and today I would be breaking down this newsletter called ‘Meeting Friends In a Relationship.
Quick Summary
A woman in a relationship is run by her emotions. The more she is this way, the more you’ll enjoy her presence and company. And the more she is less emotional, the less you’ll enjoy the relationship. This doesn’t make her hard to deal with, hard to understand, acting too needy, or acting too weird. Emotions are what the feminine energy is. You don’t want your woman to be masculine, too structured, and too assertive. You want her to be emotional. Cry if she wants to, go away if she wants to, and talk if she wants to. She has to be free. Women are very easy to understand I say. They are not these random people nor do random things. If you look beyond it, look through her words, and see through what she is doing and what she is trying to say, it’ll open up a new world for you and this will show you and make you understand how women work. This will make navigating through relationships easier for you.
So let’s go through this guy’s email:
”Meeting Friends in a Relationship
Guys, I am 31M and in a serious relationship with a 27F. She is lovely, I have very strong feelings for her but in those 6 months there have been a few fights. The main issue is that she thinks I am hiding from my friends. Let me explain in detail. I have a pretty small circle with just 2 guy friends. One lives in the same city which I normally meet once every week and she met him once. The other one lives 7 hours away and we barely meet once every 4 months. Technically, the second guy is very busy and therefore it has not happened yet to meet him. Yesterday, it was the first guy’s b-day party, the one she had met and we were both invited. I have reminded her 3 times within the last 2 weeks about the party and all day long yesterday I was under the impression that we would go together. A couple of hours before the party she turns around and says “you never said you wanted me there” and I was in shock. I told her, I assumed that since we were both invited and I told you 3 times about the party that it was pretty clear that I would want you there. And then we got into a fight. How would you deal with this kind of situation? I acknowledge that my social circle is small and I am trying to fix this, before I even met her. As a side note, I have met her friends too and her brothers. I do not want to end things even though this is making me extremely sad but I care and I think I am deeply in love with her. I just want to fix things.”
She Knows About the Party, She Just Don’t Want to Go
There is a behind the scenes issue that’s why she is starting arguments. It’s not so much about the party and her not wanting to go. There is something else that is bothering her. She knows about the party and she definitely knows that you want her there because you’ve told her about it multiple times already. It was your friend’s birthday party yesterday and you both were invited together. You told her about this. You also have reminded her about it three times already for the last 2 weeks as you mentioned. You also mentioned that you are under the impression that you guys are going together. Meaning that when you were telling her that you’re both invited and that you want her to join you, she responded in some way and you took it that she understood it. She’s clearly gotten the message. You were also clear when you said that you want her there with you and that you have been clear that you have told her. The reason why she has been like this and has been starting arguments is because the relationship is not good.
It’s simply because your girl has an issue with the relationship. It’s not your miscommunication about the situation. We have already mentioned that she is aware about the party and she knows that you want her there. Your circle being small is not the issue also. The only issue happening why she is like this is that she has a hidden issue within the relationship and that’s the reason why she is acting this way. Ask her about it. Ask questions and get to the root of it. Communicate. Ask her if there is something on her mind. Don’t be rude. Be genuine about trying to know what is on her mind. She might say that everything is okay when you start asking questions, and she might push you back and give resistance. If she pushes you back, then that means that you are hitting something important so just push through and keep asking. Keep going because in her mind, if you really cared about her then you would just stay and push through until she opens up to you. When you are asking her about what is on her mind and watch for what she is doing. Look for subtle signs. If you can clearly tell that her mind is somewhere because it’s bothering her, then push through and keep asking. Go until she opens up. Be persistent and say your intentions to her. Say that you can tell that something is bothering her and that you’d want to know because you love and care about her.
Start Asking Her Questions
‘Truth is, she is going through a lot, however the “complaint” about meeting my friends was also there 2 months ago and we had the same argument.’
Since you have mentioned this, ask her if she has an issue with the friend, or the other friend? Or does she have an issue with somebody else that is going to be there? Does she have an issue with you? Tell her that she is completely safe with you and that she can tell you anything that’s on her mind. Mention to her that this happened also last time and it’s making you uncomfortable that she is not opening up to you anymore, and that makes you feel like you are failing your job as a man. Tell her something along these lines.
You also mentioned that it happened also the last time. So from my perspective, its pretty clear that the issue has been there for a while now and it’s still not resolved. When I say it’s not been resolved, it just means that she hasn’t opened up to you yet. She’s not open to do something with you yet because of this. That’s why she’s starting an argument. When you don’t communicate to her about this, it’s saying to her that you don’t care about her and that you don’t want to listen to her. It’s good that you’re in love with her, but she is still a woman. Women do what they wanna do, and they feel what they want to feel. So you have to show her that you care about her by asking her questions, opening her up, and truly knowing what is bothering her. The only thing you can do is gently guide her to open up to you. Again, don’t be rude. When she fights back or argues, just be curious and listen to what she is saying. If you push through and open her up, she will then be saying to you what has been bothering her. Maybe some of them will be pointed at someone, something, or maybe even at you. Again, don’t be rude and just take it. It’s her way of communicating because she is a woman. Be nice and listen to her and say it back to her so that she hears that you’re paying attention. Guide her to become open and sweet again to you. Know what is bothering her and what leads to her acting weird and starting arguments.
Maybe part of the issue is you. Based on your message, she is maintaining distance from you. She is slowly pulling away because her attraction level towards you is getting lower. Ask yourself, how is your relationship with her? When was the last time you took her out on a date? Showed her some fun time? When was the last time that you guys had conversations about things and she’s just talking and talking, and you’re just doing the listening? How’s her attraction towards you? Is she still touchy? Is she still saying ‘I love yous’ or ‘I miss yous’? Is she communicating her wants, needs, and whatever is on her mind to you? How is the dynamics? Do you make her happy? Have you been over-pursuing or showing desperation? Since I mentioned that, you might want to look at my other article called ‘Why Do Women Pull away even when things seem good?’. These are all some questions that you can question her and answer yourself so you can diagnose more of your relationship with her.
You have to take control of your relationship and take control of her. Not necessarily control her physically or forcefully. What I mean is to open her back up to you again. How you do this is to talk to her and have her open up and communicate to you. Like I just mentioned, start asking questions, and have a deep talk with her. Don’t stop until she breaks down and fully opens up and tell you everything. She may cry, get angry, throw a fit and all that, but the most important thing is to listen to what she is saying and understand her. If you feel resistance, then just push through. Depending on the status of your relationship right now, It might take a while to have her fully opened up to you. It might take 30 minutes to an hour of just waiting for her to open up, of you talking, and communicating. Make sure to tell her that you want her to open up to you and that she is safe with you, that you will listen with no judgment or opinion. I mean to give you the reality of things, she is showing signs that she is closing up and pulling away. So take control, sit her down, and ask her questions.
Be Fun, Calm, and Understanding
Remember that a relationship should be fun and not too serious. Fun prevents the relationship from feeling like a chore, robotic, and a source of stress. Plus making it fun makes the relationship flow with love and easiness. This is what a woman wants in a relationship, for the love to flow in it. To be calm is essential too. It allows you to maintain your masculine frame and show her that you want to know her and everything what she will not bother and you’ll have no opinion of, even if it is pointed at you. You’re just there so she can open up to you. This will make you look like a man in her eyes. This makes her feel safe that whatever she says, good or bad or towards you or away from you, you won’t over react and do stupid things that will put stress towards her. With this, she’ll fully open up to you, won’t worry about what you’re going to say, and this will make her feel safe with you. All of which will increase her attraction level. Understand her where she is coming from. Don’t listen to her words literally. Look through it. Why is she saying what she is saying and why is she doing what she is doing. If you’re confused, ask her what is confusing to you. You can never ask too many questions with a woman. As long as it makes sense. If it’s about her, it’s fun or not rude, then she will answer every single thing and open up to you. If you do this, you will see past through the surface level of what she is saying, and know what really is on her mind. You will get to know her, why she is doing what she’s doing. You’ll know what to do so that you know what she wants and makes her more attracted to you. Remember that it should be fun and stay calm. If she pushes you back and she adds some resistance, don’t take it personally and keep asking through.
