Hi, I’m Coach A-Man, and today I would be breaking down this newsletter called “How Do I Talk To My Fiancée After Learning She Puts Laxatives In My Pre-workout?”

Quick Summary

We have a very interesting situation here. I think and I’d like to believe that I have seen and heard everything by now but this one situation here is pretty interesting. It’s very unique because it’s quite funny, weird, and scary as a matter of fact. The situation here demands a direct approach. The guy’s fiancée, the woman he was planning to spend his life with, intentionally sabotaged his health and his pursuit of self-improvement. She is pretty much sabotaging him as a man. She puts laxatives in his pre-workout. Let that sink in. She puts laxatives in his pre-workout before going to the gym This isn’t a petty squabble. It’s a fundamental breach of trust and a blatant disrespect for your well-being and personal goals. It’s sabotage. It feels like an enemy spy has infiltrated you. Unfortunately many men would simply walk away, and frankly, that’s a valid impulse, especially if it’s at the early stage of the relationship. But this is a different situation because now there are feelings involved. But his message is here now because he is looking for answers, and something that he can do. So, let’s break this down and lay out the steps you need to take to take this situation in control.

How Do I Talk To My Fiancée After Learning She Puts Laxatives In My Preworkout?

She never liked me going to the gym. I would go for about three days a week, 2 hours at a time. My family once overheard her telling someone jokingly, “If you don’t want your man going to the gym, put laxatives in his preworkout! That’s what I do.”

I was wondering why I was spending so much gym time in the bathroom. I even told her about it, and she never revealed any of this to me. She mentions often that I have issues with constipation, so I feel like she’ll try and justify it by saying she was doing me a favor.

Anyway, my family finally told me about this a couple days ago… I’m pretty upset about it but wondering how to bring it up with her, or if it’s worth it. She will almost certainly get defensive.

The Betrayal and Its Roots

Analyzing the Undermining Behavior

Man, where do I even start here. Obviously there are a few things that are really wrong here. She is very insecure about herself that she had to do this. I mean from what you’re saying, obviously I don’t know the girl, your family, and yourself, I can tell and assume that she must be very insecure for her to do this. Maybe the reason she is doing this is because she is jealous that you are giving more attention to the gym and to yourself rather than focusing your attention towards her. This is some very controlling behaviour that I personally would not appreciate and would not tolerate if this happened in my relationship. Insecurity in general is not attractive, whether from a man or woman, but to the point that you are abusing and controlling their freedom is beyond disgusting and offensive, for me personally. I don’t know about you guys. But anyways, let’s keep going,

Your fiancée’s actions aren’t just “not liking you going to the gym”; they’re a calculated act of sabotage. She is practically sabotaging you and dragging you down from not being yourself and achieving your goals. This is not a good trait for both the man and the woman who wants to be in a happy relationship. This isn’t some playful prank because clearly you are not enjoying it, and she’s not even playing or having fun about it with you. It’s just straight manipulation. It’s a deliberate attempt to control your actions and undermine your pursuit of self-improvement. I mean how would you grow as a person when the person who you spend most of your time with is dragging you down. Man, this is crazy. You have to stand up here and set your boundaries. Don’t fight fire with fire here. Obviously you have to be calm, composed, and in control of yourself when you go about it but the idea is that you have to take control here for your self-respect.. Her “joke” about putting laxatives in pre-workout wasn’t a joke. Iit was a confession she thought she could hide. It’s practically cheating, but in a different wording. It’s offensive. This speaks to a deeply rooted insecurity or manipulative tendency. She saw your dedication to the gym as a threat, not a positive trait. What I think is happening here is that she is insecure because you are spending and focusing your attention on the gym and not with her because she wants all of it all the time. There’s nothing wrong with a woman wanting your attention because that’s what they truly want, but the way she is handling it is very wrong.

The Control Trap

This behavior is a classic example of a control trap. She is trying to control the relationship dynamics because of insecurity. The point of a relationship and what a happy relationship looks like is the idea of a whole person and another whole person being together and enjoying each other’s company. They are both whole and they are integrating their wholeness into 1 thing, which is the relationship, and not overpowering one or the other. It’s combining themselves, not controlling the other to force the dynamics. It’s a natural things, it’s a dance. In dancing, you just feel the other person and you work with what the other person is giving and working with that. That’s it.  When a woman feels insecure or threatened by her partner’s growth, independence, or pursuits outside of her, she may resort to tactics like this to keep him “in line” so that she “won’t” lose him, or whatever her goals may be. In your situation, your gym time represents you and your personal growth. Instead of her supporting you or addressing her issues like a healthy person, she chose to undermine you and force her wants upon you through this. Instead of supporting you or addressing her own insecurities by healthy communications, she chose to go around you. Her later attempts to justify it by claiming you have “constipation issues” are merely an attempt to gaslight you and deflect from her own manipulative behavior. This is a manipulative and controlling tactic that a controlling person would say.. This isn’t about your health because it’s about her control.

What You Should Do – Confront the Reality

First of all, you must fully internalize the gravity of this situation. You must first analyze and understand the depth of what is happening here. If you don’t understand what the problem is, then how would you know what solution or formula you are going to use? This wasn’t an accident. This was a deliberate act by someone who is supposed to be your partner. Understand first what is happening and you need to have an emotional ground to what is happening. Acknowledge the sabotage for what it is – a betrayal of trust and a sign of disrespect. Do not minimize it. Do not redirect it. Do not excuse it. See it is for what it is. Not better than what it is, not worse than what it is, but for what it is. Your depth of understanding will be the foundation of what will happen from here.

The Uncomfortable Conversation

Breaking Down the Confrontation

I’m pretty upset about it but wondering how to bring it up with her, or if it’s worth it. She will almost certainly get defensive.

You’re right on this point. She will almost certainly get defensive. That’s a natural human reaction when confronted with uncomfortable truths, especially when someone has been caught in a lie or manipulative act. The idea of your goal here should be not to pick a fight, but to lay out the facts, express your feelings, and observe her reaction. You just want to be in and out. You just want to not stir unnecessary dramas or problems, you just want to communicate that these are the facts, you are uncomfortable, and you have to watch and pay attention to how she reacts with this whole interaction because this will determine what she really is trying to say or do. Her response will tell you everything you need to know about her character and whether this relationship has a future. This is the uncomfortable truth. You have to be uncomfortable in setting your boundaries from here and getting her true answer and perspective or you can just let it be and be uncomfortable with your situation.

Emphasizing Your Principles

This conversation is about upholding your boundaries and demonstrating your standards. In life, as a man or as a woman, you have to have a vision of yourself. You have to have a sense of self-respect because if you don’t, you will be stuck in a relationship like this forever. You don’t want that. You want to be in a healthy relationship where you both are growing, because if you let the other person just step on you, then how are you going to grow that way? Be a man with self-respect and value. You are a man with self-respect and of value, so act like it. You will not tolerate being disrespected or undermined. Your core principle here is integrity. You must approach this in a way that you are calm, composed, and in control of yourself while expressing your truth.

What the Action Should Consist Of

This isn’t a plea. This is a statement. You need to be calm, direct, and in control of yourself and the situation. Do not allow her to derail the conversation with emotional outbursts, accusations, or attempts to flip the script. Be calm but be in control.

What You Should Do – The Direct Dialogue

Here’s a step-by-step script to initiate this conversation:

1. Choose the Right Time and Place: This needs to be a private conversation, free from distractions. Do not do this in front of family or friends. It has to be in person and not on the phone or somewhere else, because you want to see and feel her body language because that will help you determine what she really is trying to say.
2. State the Facts Calmly: “We need to talk about something serious. My family recently told me they overheard you joking about putting laxatives in my pre-workout to stop me from going to the gym. I also remember spending a lot of time in the bathroom after taking my pre-workout, and I even mentioned it to you, but you never said anything.” Add more facts as you see fit. The idea here is to state to her what is happening as you see it. Don’t let her dictate or influence what your perceived truth is. Say it as you see it.
3. Express Your Feelings: “To be honest, learning this has deeply upset me. It makes me feel betrayed, disrespected, and frankly, it’s a huge breach of trust. My health and my personal goals are important to me, and for you to intentionally sabotage them is completely unacceptable”. This is why being calm and in control of yourself comes in. When you express your feelings here. It doesn’t mean to cry, be angry, and be abusive when you say your “feelings”, it just means to express that this is a concern for you and you have to make her understand through healthy communication and to make her register your feelings in her mind.
4. Listen to Her Response (and Observe): This is crucial. Pay attention to how she responds, not just what she says.Watch and pay more attention to her actions not her words. Words can be a lie but how she expresses it through her words and subtle body language won’t. Take her words and feelings with a grain of salt. Listen but pay attention.
   • Defensiveness/Blame: If she immediately gets defensive, blames you, or tries to justify it (“I was helping your constipation,” “It was just a joke,” “You spend too much time there”) and you can clearly tell from her body language and she expresses it that she is lying, then now you know where her priorities are.
   • Remorse/Accountability: A genuine apology would involve acknowledging her wrongdoing, understanding the impact of her actions, and expressing sincere regret. This is rare in such situations, but this is ideally the result that you want and what you’re looking for.
   • Silence/Avoidance: If she tries to shut down the conversation or change the subject, it’s another clear signal of her unwillingness to take responsibility. Pay attention to how she expresses herself, how she delivers it, and her subtle body language. I say it again, you have to pay attention.
5. State Your Boundary: “This kind of behavior is not okay in a relationship, especially one leading to marriage. Trust is paramount, and right now, mine is broken. I need to understand why you felt it was acceptable to do this, and what you’re prepared to do to rebuild trust”. In this part, this is where you have to set the boundaries. The idea here is to express that you really dislike this and if this keeps going or anything like this keeps going, then something must happen because you want her very much but you’d rather leave her because your self-respect is the priority.

Rebuilding or Re-evaluating

Addressing the Broader Context

This incident isn’t isolated. It’s a symptom of a deeper issue within your relationship dynamics. Maybe it’s from her childhood, maybe it’s because you haven’t  been setting clear boundaries and priorities, maybe it’s from your childhood that there’s a subtle sign or feelings that you enjoy tolerating, it doesn’t matter. This is your situation and you have to deal with this accordingly. If she’s willing to undermine your health and personal goals, what else is she capable of? Read that again. If she’s willing to undermine your health and personal goals, what else is she capable of? This is a critical matter that you must assess. Your growth as a person, your health, your wealth, and future viability of your relationship are all factors and are affected here. I’m going to tell you this as a friend, but you have to stop and really assess what really is happening here. Are you building a partnership based on mutual respect and support, or one based on control and manipulation?

What You Should Do

This is where the rubber meets the road. Your actions after the conversation will determine what you really want and how serious you really take yourself.

1. Commit to Self-Respect:
   • Action: If she is defensive, dismissive, or refuses to take full accountability, you must be prepared to walk away. To love is to give. You have given your love and respect towards her and you have communicated to her your wants and needs, and this is you giving. You can’t just give all the time if you’re not getting what you want back. If she is downplaying you, then what does that tell you about yourself? Don’t control her obviously, but control yourself and what you do.
   •  Your self-respect is non-negotiable. Do not accept excuses or half-hearted apologies. A woman who loves and respects you will support your growth, not sabotage it. Read and pay attention to what she does, not what she says.
   • Anecdote: I’ve seen countless men get stuck in cycles of disrespect because they were afraid to draw a line in the sand. Remember, your value isn’t determined by her approval; it’s determined by your adherence to your own standards. If you don’t sort this out now, this will come up again in the future. Please believe me on this one or you will pay for it in the future.
2. Dedicate to Observation:
   • Action: If she does show genuine remorse and a willingness to change, you must enter a period of intense observation. This isn’t about immediate forgiveness but it’s about verifying her words with consistent actions. Observe if she actively supports your gym habits, if she becomes more transparent, and if she actively works to rebuild trust. This is your 90-day rule in effect – watch her actions over time. From my perspective and my personal habits, it takes the same time for me to recover from this to the exact time and length of how long this was happening.
   • Principle: Actions speak louder than words. Always remember.
3. Practice Healthy Boundaries:
   • Action: Regardless of her initial reaction, you must re-establish clear, non-negotiable boundaries regarding your personal space, time, and pursuits. Make it explicit that any future attempts to control or sabotage your personal growth will result in immediate consequences. You can force her to do what you want, you can only tell her and gently guide her. 
   • Example: “My gym time is important for my mental and physical health. It’s not up for negotiation or sabotage. If this ever happens again, it will be the end of our relationship.”
4. Reframe Your Future:
   • Action: This incident is a powerful indicator of your fiancée’s character and her suitability as a life partner. You must reframe your engagement. Is this the person you want to build a life with? Someone who manipulates you, or someone who uplifts you? If you choose to stay, you’re making a conscious decision to accept a certain dynamic. If you choose to leave, you’re choosing self-preservation and the pursuit of a genuinely supportive partnership. Like how I wanted you to pay attention to her actions to get a feel on where she stands, then do the same for yourself too. If you really take your self-respect seriously, then if your boundaries are crossed you will apply the consequence. Actions over intentions.
   • Andrew Tate Reality Check: I didn’t say for you to be a simp, I didn’t say for you to be a fool. What I’m saying is express that you want her and that you want a relationship with her, but if it is crossed then you are going.. A man of purpose doesn’t tolerate being undermined, especially by the woman he’s supposed to trust most. You either stand up for yourself, or you live with the consequences of not doing so. I keep saying this because this is important.

The Ultimate Test of Your Character

Reiterate the Core Message

This situation is not just about your fiancée’s actions. This is about your reaction. This is a critical test of your self-worth, your boundaries, and your ability to lead your life with integrity. Your core message moving forward must be: I will not tolerate disrespect or sabotage, especially from those closest to me. Your action will dictate what your self-worth and focus are, and her actions also will determine hers. Actions over intentions, always remember.

Reinforce the Broader Perspective

Relationships are supposed to elevate you, not diminish you. They should be built on a foundation of mutual respect, trust, loyalty, and support. You want it to be a playful back and forth and not just one sided. If those foundational elements are missing, the structure will inevitably crumble. These foundations are the core of your relationship. You break and ruin one thing, you break the whole thing. It is tough, so keep that in mind. This isn’t just about the gym. It’s about the kind of man you want to be and the kind of life you want to build.

Your Authentic Personal Touch

I’ve been there, lost and confused, not knowing how to navigate the complex dynamics of relationships. I’ve allowed women to chip away at my confidence, to dictate my actions, and to make me question my own reality. It’s very degrading and insulting to yourself. I’m not going to say anything too crazy here, but this is where all those toxic and crazy stories that you hear online and everywhere starts. These are the root problems for all of them. It took painful lessons to learn that a man’s purpose, his discipline, and his self-respect are non-negotiable because that is your manhood. You worked for it, that’s why it’s valuable. The moment I started enforcing my boundaries, the entire dynamic shifted. Some relationships ended, but the ones that remained, or the new ones that formed, were built on genuine admiration and respect. Your fiancée’s actions are a mirror reflecting back to you how much you value yourself. This is why I keep saying that you need to learn the three stages of relationship dynamics, and they are the pickup, dating, and relationship stages. They all require different strategies and perspectives. Relationships are a skill, and just like any other skill, you need to practice to become better. This is why I wrote “The Art of Dating” so we men can understand how women think and so that we can achieve the relationship of our dreams.

The ball is in your court, my friend. Confront her, observe her, and then make a decisive move based on what you see, not just what you want to believe. Your future self will thank you for taking a stand now. Listen to me on this one, I have nothing to gain here and nothing to lose. These are all free knowledge for you. Goodluck.