Hi, I’m Coach A-Man, and today I would be breaking down this newsletter called ‘She Broke Up With Me, Why?: Why Did She Leave Answered’. What is it, why it happens, what can you do.
Quick Summary
If you’re reading this, you’re likely feeling lost, heartbroken, maybe even desperate after a breakup. Just like your situation right now, I’ve dated, been with, and have been left by women that lead me to searching for answers on google just like you and have found the ‘No Contact’ rule. I completely understand your situation and I have the answers that you’re looking for that have been tested and worked for me and others. You don’t have to stay that way feeling miserable and all that. I have the answers and I’ll lay it down for you in easy to understand, step-by-step instructions, the why, the what, the how, that’ll lead you to getting what you want. When applied correctly, first of all, it will reclaim your confidence as a man, reclaim your inner power, understand yourself more, become a better high-value man, have the abundance mindset, and naturally that way you will then start to attract things and people that you want and deserve..
The core idea of ‘No Contact Rule’ is to prioritize yourself. To genuinely look away, move on, and not look back because she ended the relationship, or did not like the way you’re getting treated, or anything along the lines of ‘you and her are in a relationship, she broke things off, you didn’t want to break things of because you want her and the relationship’. Through the ‘No Contact Rule’, the first step to get her back and to move forward is to Prioritize Yourself! Through this absence, you take away all the attention that you give to her, make yourself look more valuable to her also because your attention is the value and instead of giving it to her now you’re giving it to yourself and to other better things that are benefiting you and more deserving of you. From here onwards, you will prioritize yourself.
You won’t contact her for any reason. Zero Contact! Zero Contact! Zero Contact! Complete no contact! That means that you’ll forget about her mentally and physically, you will not message her on her birthday, not message her to say ‘hey’, not message her that ‘this flower reminds of you’, ‘i drove past the groceries and saw your mum and i thought I should say hey’, when you bump into her at the groceries you’re not go up to her and try to start a conversation that way. No Contact! You will not chase after her for any reason. The only time that you will entertain her is through her asking or hinting at you to set up a date.
The only time that you initiate a conversation with her is she is the one that is chasing after you, your time, and attention. Since she broke things off, she is now the one that should and the only person that should make things up, not you. She has to be the one chasing after you, sending you the ‘hey i just want to say happy birthday’ on your birthday, messaging you ‘hey’, sending you random articles, facts, or memes on social media, messaging you that ‘hey this reminded me of us/you’, ‘i drove past the groceries and saw your mum and thought I should say ‘hey’ and ‘how are you’. In short, if she broke things off, then she has to be the one to fix it. It’s not all about you, but that’s where we have to start. The next following paragraphs are the most commonly asked questions about your situation.
Newsletter Analysis and Breakdown
These questions would be straight up the first thing that men after a break up, being in shock, in pain, and confused by it would be asking and I’ll break them down each and a simple, easy to understand summary.
Q: I can’t stop hurting. How do I deal with this immense breakup pain right now?
This is a complete, normal feeling after going through a breakup. It will hurt very much, but the only best way to deal with it is to just suck it up, feel the pain, take some time for yourself and just think, sit, and feel the pain all the way and as much as you can for the first couple of days. It will be hard but this is the best way in my experience to go through a breakup. What happens is that there is pain and it needs to go out, both physically and mentally as a man. And to not feel the pain or not be affected or be hurt by the pain no more is to let it all out as much as you can, as quickest as you can. The more you try to hide it and run away from it, the longer the healing time would be. This is where the ‘No Contact Rule’ would be applied. You use the ‘No Contact Rule’ in this situation so that you feel the situation more and to be able to let it go. The more you linger and keep her around after she dumped you, what you are doing is basically playing with your emotions.
Running around in circles pointless, chasing someone who dumped you, not valuing yourself like you should be. This would be one of the reasons why she dumped you. How can she love and respect you when you don’t even respect yourself? Women love men who respect themselves. Who doesn’t take disrespect. You can’t want things that you don’t want. Don’t over complicate things. You have to suck it up, take the loss and move on. No revenge thoughts, no getting back to get even. Just genuinely move on, understand what happened, look at yourself what you could have done better, learn, and get better. In this scenario, she doesn’t like you anymore, that’s why she dumped you. Women don’t dump or break up with men that they love. The sooner you feel and sit with your emotions and the breakup, understand that it came to an end, that she dumped and broke up with you, the sooner.
Q: Why did she leave me suddenly? What did I do wrong?
Since most men don’t understand women, don’t understand how they speak, how they want to be understood, how they communicate, how they want to be loved and be heard, to most men the breakup is always a shock. Before this happen, usually from around 6 to 12 months prior to the break up (around 6 to 12 months is when women usually stay until they decide to breakup if things don’t change after them trying to ask you to) , they give subtle, indirect, and direct signs that they are not happy and being treated how they want to be treated. Women don’t leave relationships ‘suddenly’. Like I mentioned, 6 to 12 months prior to the breakup they give you signs. It’s not that she left suddenly, you just were not listening and looking at the signs. What you did wrong is not listen to her when she says ‘you don’t take me out/we don’t go out anymore’, ‘you don’t talk to me anymore’, when she says ‘hey i got this new dress and here’s a photo’, ‘hey look at my nails’, ‘hey this reminded me of us, i miss you’, when she’s not okay and you ask her is she ‘okay’ and says ‘yes’ and you say ‘okay’ and move on and then she goes quiet after that, and everything along those lines. These are her ways of communicating to you what she wants. She wants to talk, she wants love to flow within the relationship, she wants to feel wanted by you. She wants to be taken by you, she wants you to want her. To want to take her out, to want her to have fun, and to take her to places that you planned and all she wants to do is just be pretty, warm, to talk her mind out, laugh,
In short, what you did wrong is you stopped dating her long before she broke up with you, stopped being sweet, stopped listening to her, and you stopped treating her like a woman and how a woman should be treated. It’s not wimpy, or becoming a simp and becoming a slave to her doing every single thing that she asks of you. You still have to be a man, how to have a backbone, say no if you’re uncomfy with something, say no with something you genuinely don’t like. I’m not saying that. It’s not wimpy and it doesn’t make you less of a man to treat women with love, respect, and to have fun with her. What is wimpy is you saying and doing what is not attracting her. What I’m saying is to go back and forth with her, go out and have fun, keep things light and no extreme topics, banter here and there, and play with her. You didn’t date her, have fun with her, become too wimpy or too controlling, and you’re not the man who she first fell in love with. If she left you, what you’re not going to do is chase after her. The ‘No Contact Rule’ again. You have to move on.
The only time you contact her and have fun with her is when you two are on a date, that she wanted, she asked for, and only when she is genuinely wanting you guys to get back together. She broke things off, it’s not up to you to fix it. She has to fix it. In any other scenario, ‘No Contact RUle’’. If you guys come across each other, just say hi to her and keep it short. No extra conversations. Just say hey. Don’t be rude, be a nice gentleman. Say hi, how are you, that’s good and move on. Unless she asked you to talk about things or talk about whatever. What you will need to do is set up a date on your terms. Unless she wants to make things up and only when you are comfortable with the terms that you want her and want her in a relationship, that is the only way the relationship will move forward. You’re not gonna be her friend. Back away if she treats you like this, but back away in a sweet manner like ‘i’m sorry, but i don’t want to be friends with you. I clearly want you to be my girl. If that’s not what you want, then we can’t be together. I’m not gonna be friends with you because I don’t want to be friends with you.’. Be sweet, stay true to what you want, which is her, and if the terms are not what you want, be nice and dont be rude and just say thank but no thank and move on. You can’t force someone to want you.
Q: She blocked me everywhere. What do I do now? Is it really over?
The reason she blocked you is because she doesn’t want you anymore. Understand that women do what they want to do and you can’t force them to want you. The best thing you can do and what you should do now is like I mentioned just then on. You have to sit with your feelings, process the breakup fully, do the ‘No Contact Rule’ , not message her in any scenario, and just wait for to come back. She will come back if you did a good job, dating her, the relationship dynamics meaning are you sweet to her, how often do you take her on dates, how much does she have fun out of 10, how and why she broke up with you, how good did you do the ‘No Contact Rule’ after her breaking up with you. She will contact you and pursue you which I highly guarantee even after her breaking up with you if you did all of these correctly.
I can further diagnose it if you send me your story so I can break it down for you. If you go to workanddating.com, locate the ‘Contact Me’ tab, fill in the form, follow the instructions, and write to me about your situation so I can diagnose it, then I can suggest a tailored step-by-step to get her back with your specific scenario. I get a lot of submissions, but be patient and I will reply to your message. Until she messages, chases, and genuinely goes after you and wants you back for a date and expresses her intention, after the break up you have to assume that it is completely over. You can’t and shouldn’t want people that do not want you, because that would mean that they don’t value yourself, and that would be rude and disrespectful to you and you can’t expect for people to value you as so. They don’t deserve it. So no contact until then and assume the worst and move on.
Q: Should I beg her to come back? I feel desperate to talk to her.
Short answer is, No. You don’t beg for someone to come back. The more you chase, the more she will run away. It is counter intuitive. This is not a theory, or some wild facts, or an unprecedented truth. It’s common sense. Women are like cats. Likecats, the more you chase them, the more they run away. So should you beg for her to come back? If you want to lose her for good, yes and go beg for her and convince her as much as you want. It won’t change reality. You can try and ignore the reality, but you can’t ignore the consequences.
Value yourself. She dumped and broke things off with you. Be a man and take it. There’s no other way to get her back truly than to let her go and have her come to you. There’s no words that you can say, flowers that you can buy, write the most logical detailed worded paragraphs to convince her why you’re good for her. Even if you manage to consistently and relentlessly pursue her and convince her for some reason she says because you forced her, she will not truly love you and appreciate you. Is that something that you want? Personally I wouldn’t like to be treated like that. To be treated with pity. That’s not loving, and that’s not what you want. You want someone that loves you as much and even more than you love them so you can’t go back and forth with them. It’s more fun that way.
You don’t want to unleash and talk about your feelings to her, to convince her to feel bad for you, and that she should stay. She won’t be happy, and because you can’t make her happy, you won’t be happy. I guarantee you. You’ll fall into this downward spiral of ‘The more you do, the more she’ll want you’. In my experience, that will not and never will work with women.
Chasing her is unattractive to her, especially after her breaking up with you. Look at it from the perspective of a very hot, smoking, attractive woman. Like you, she’ll date a guy like you and go on a date and won’t stop messaging her. Maybe initially they’ll find it cute or whatever (if the girl likes you), but over time if she brushes you off or when she’s uncomfortable and you’re persistent, she’ll see that you’re one of those guys that wouldn’t take no for an answer. Wouldn’t that be annoying to deal with? You’re uncomfortable and the other person just wants to force what they want on you? It’s very repulsive in my opinion, and also definitely the woman’s opinion.
I know you feel desperate, but the best and only way to get her back is to not chase her. Let her go because she broke up with you, work on yourself, sit and feel your emotions like a man, cry if you have to but move on and do something else. Go to the gym, work more, start that side business you’ve been wanting to start. Just do anything else but message her. No Contact! You did this to yourself, and you did not learn what you need to know about women in the first place. Take some accountability. Don’t blame the woman, blame you. Genuinely move on, and work on yourself. If she is still attracted to you, she’ll come back and chase you. Work on yourself, dont message. Don’t fall into the delusion that you have to do more. If doing what you’re doing lost her, try the other one. It’s risky and uncertain. But in reality and in my experience this is what works and that is what I recommend to you.
Q: How long does No Contact actually take? What if she forgets about me?
How long does ‘No Contact Rule’ actually take? For as long as it can take. Years, decades, months, weeks, days, hours. It all depends on the situation, and on how bad or good you were acting on the relationship. There’s no definite answer to this. It all comes down to her attraction towards you. How will you know her attraction towards you? It’s all in her actions. Don’t listen to what she says, listen to what she does. The last thing that she will be saying things to you before she breaks it off with you are along the lines of, ‘i don’t feel that we should be together, I have to focus on my work/school more’, ‘my friends think that we shouldn’t be together’, or even ‘hey I think we’re better as friends’. The bottom line of it is that she still left. Maybe part of what she says is true so always take it like a grain of salt. Just listen to what she says, but look at what her actions are.
What if she forgets about you? She didn’t forget you. She is not attracted to you. Both are very different things. Don’t confuse and over complicate things. Read between the lines and look at her actions and the facts. You two have spent time together and she had feelings and attraction for you that’s why you guys have dated/been together. She is not attracted to you anymore, that’s why she left you. Simplify things, don’t over complicate things.
Q: What are the “signs” she misses me or wants me back after the breakup?
The signs that she misses you or that she is wanting you back after the breakup are subtle. She’ll be subtle about it. So look at the signs and what she is doing, and take whatever she is saying like a grain of salt. Hear what she is saying but ask to confirm it. It’ll start with little signs like ‘hey, how are you?’, ‘what you’ve been up to?’, or she’ll accidentally bump into you, accidentally drive by your house, or accidentally drop by at your work. It’s the action that you have to see. It’s subtle so you have to be vigilant. Some actions can be her just trying to poke you, test you, and see if you’re still attracted to her but she’ll just keep you as a friend or a backup. The signs are subtle like I said. There’s no definite and clear answer. It’s more of reading what her attraction to you is. Is she starting the conversations and trying to win you back, is she trying to just give you bones to see if you’re interested but she’ll keep you as a backup, or is she pursuing a conversation with you to genuinely get back to you. It’s all subtle so you have to be aware.
