Hi, I’m Coach A-Man, and today I would be breaking down this newsletter called “How Do You Deal With Your Ex Being With Someone Else?”
Quick Summary
We have here a message from a guy who’s having a dilemma without her ex-girlfriend seeing another guy just three weeks after their breakup. He mentioned that just three weeks after the breakup, she’s already invited a guy over to her house. That same guy the ex girlfriend has invited to her house has been mentioned to him, to the ex-boyfriend, previously before when they were still together. Just with that statement, it tells me that the girl has already lost interest in him while they were still in the relationship and she was just waiting for the right moment to leave him. Like in many break up situations like this, a woman would stay in the relationship for around 6-12 months after the guy has been messing up. Women do this because they stay long enough to see through it and until they have completely lost their feelings, so that when they leave there’s no more stones unturned. This is what usually shocks most guys because most guys are clueless and have no knowledge on how women think and how they operate. She’s been messaging the guy while you’re still in the relationship and she has previously mentioned the guy to you before because she is lining up her options. You were losing her because you have been messing up in the relationship. That is why she’s already seeing a guy just three weeks after your breakup because he’s doing what you were supposed to be doing. He is dating, flirting, and sleeping with your woman which is what you’re supposed to be doing.
Here’s the harsh truth you need to hear: Your ex is no longer your girlfriend. What she does, who she sees, and who she sleeps with is none of your business.I know that stings, it hurts, and it messes you up, but it’s a fundamental principle you must embrace if you’re ever going to move past this and attract the kind of woman you deserve. You’re holding onto a fantasy, and that fantasy is causing you immense suffering.
So let’s go through his message.
How Do You Deal With Your Ex Being With Someone Else?
A guy literally went over to her place a few nights ago. He lives an hour away and I doubt he just did that at 8pm to drive another hour back home a few hours later. I‘m sure he slept in my spot in the bed, maybe even worse. It‘s been three weeks since we broke up and I can’t bear the thought of her being with someone else.
Her and the aforementioned guy kept texting each other during our relationship, they had gone out on a date before we were together, but she assured me nothing ever happened. She‘s lied to me about so much stuff, I‘m sure she also lied about this. I don’t know for sure but it‘s very likely he didn’t just go to her place at 8pm to be there for her as a friend. I hate all of this.
Let’s break down what’s really happening here.
She’s Gone, Man. Accept It
What you got to understand here is that she’s gone. You messed up, that’s why she left you. You haven’t been dating, talking to her, flirting with her, communicating with her, genuinely asking her what’s going on with her. The rule here that you have to understand is that if you’re not dating your girl, some other man eventually will. Which is what exactly happened. She’s not going to be seeing another guy and inviting him to her house, and obviously in her bed too in your case, if she’s in love with you, is she? I’m sorry but as a friend and as coach, I have to give you the best way I know to better yourself and get what you want. I’m here to tell you to get what you want, you have to become it. She’s her own person, you can’t control her actions and control what she thinks. The sooner you realize this, the sooner you accept that the relationship is now over, that she’s free to do as she pleases, the sooner you can start over and become better. Your pain is coming from not accepting the reality as it is. It’s not from her actions itself, but it’s the reality that you’re having a hard time accepting that she’s gone.
The New Guy? Irrelevant Now
Her and the aforementioned guy kept texting each other during our relationship, they had gone out on a date before we were together, but she assured me nothing ever happened. She‘s lied to me about so much stuff, I‘m sure she also lied about this.
Whether she lied to you or not, it’s now all in the past. It doesn’t matter now why the relationship ended or who was involved before. What matters is to understand that it’s ended. I know it sucks to have a relationship and a woman that you’d like to keep forever, but unfortunately that’s how life goes. Plus, you don’t want to have her anyways. She’s a liar like you mentioned. I mean can you imagine being with someone who lies as easily as she breathes and be with her in a long-term relationship? From your perspective, it should be another reason to be grateful that she’s no longer in your life. You want a woman of integrity and not someone who plays games. You should see that you should be grateful because she’s not a good communicative person and that she should have broken up with you with integrity before seeing other guys. So you have to see it that way. And from your end, from this message I can tell that you are part of the reason why she left.
You have to understand that what you do to get the woman is what you need to do to keep her. You should understand another rule is that dating never ends. Understand this and nail this to your head. “What you do to get her is what you do to keep her”. Reading through your message, the reason she initially lost attraction after being together for a while is that you stopped dating her. You stopped communicating with her and to genuinely talk to her about her. Women want to be understood and heard. That’s what you do to get her, so keep doing it because that’s what you’ll do to keep her. It’s not easy, but that is the reality. Sometimes, there will be days because you are tired or you just wanna relax and have some space, but you just gotta do what you gotta do to keep her interested in you. You have to communicate and date her like you’re still trying to get her.
Your Imagination is Your Enemy
I‘m sure he slept in my spot in the bed, maybe even worse. It‘s been three weeks since we broke up and I can’t bear the thought of her being with someone else… I don’t know for sure but it‘s very likely he didn’t just go to her place at 8pm to be there for her as a friend. I hate all of this.
What you’re doing here imagining stuff and wondering what she’s doing is just you torturing yourself. You’re making it harder for you man. You’re creating unnecessary narratives and situations in your head. You’re making it harder for yourself. It’s like you’re putting a wall against your path to freedom. I’m here to give you real advice and what actually works. I’m not here to make it “feel” better for you. You’re a man. You just gotta get up and move on to better things that work for you. Stop watering the pain. Just stop imagining things. You don’t need to know what she’s been doing or who she’s been seeing. There’s no logical reason for you to do so. Focus on yourself and things that you can actually have control over. What you are now is single. So what you need to do now is move on and build a better life for you. Get things moving. Go to the gym and transfer your anger or resentment or whatever you are feeling and make your body in an incredible shape, or start a new business that you’ve been wanting to make and transfer your energy that way. Just do something and use your energy. Look at it as a blessing and a superpower. You are in a much better situation than most guys. Utilize it and make it work for yourself. There’s a woman for you out there that is better in all ways, all you have to do is let go of this emotional baggage and start working on yourself.
The Art of Dating
If you’re reading this, chances are you’ve felt that frustration. That confusion when it comes to women. Maybe you struggle with confidence, or you just don’t know where to start when it comes to dating. I get it. I’ve been there, done that, and I know countless other guys who have too.
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Why Does It Hurt and What Can You Do?
I hate all of this.
Of course you do. It never feels to be dumped. Even the best men out there and all these guys who know everything about women, they all feel the pain of the breakups. They just know how to handle it better. All breakups are painful. Emotional breakups, financial downfall, friendship fallouts. These are all the same and they all hurt. Rejection breeds obsession. The reason it hurts like this is because your identity is tied to the relationship. Now that it’s gone, you feel lost and you feel like everything has been a waste and that you don’t know yourself. At least you know for you that it was real. If it wasn’t real then you wouldn’t be feeling this way. Not many people get to feel what it’s like to be in a relationship. Be thankful that you have gone through this. It sucks that it hurts, but be thankful for the experience. That’s what matters. If it hurts that bad, then it’s going to force you to become better and learn more about how relationships work. You can go and analyze yourself more deeply now and understand what you want in a relationship from now on. Having hope and learning from this is what you can do from here. This is your opportunity to become stronger, better, and a more attractive man. All you have to do is let go, move on, and work on yourself.
Steps You Need To Do
Go No Contact, Immediately, and Permanently
This is non-negotiable. I highly recommend this for you and your situation. Block her on everything. Phone, social media, email, LinkedIn, Snapchat, all of it. No contact forever. Don’t try and see her in person, ask about her, or hear about her. Every time that you check her profile or hear about her, what you’ll be doing is like picking at your scab and you’re preventing yourself from the healing process. The more strict you are with this, the sooner the pain and the healing will work. You cannot attract a new and amazing woman into your life if you’re constantly looking over your shoulder at a ghost. You’ll only repulse her and push her away if you’re carrying this emotional baggage. Throw it away and never look back.
Focus on Your Purpose
Focusing on your purpose is you focusing on yourself and what you want to do. What are your goals? Your passions? What are your hobbies? What business do you want to have? What do you want to achieve in your career, your fitness, your hobbies? That strong feeling that you are feeling now is a very good energy. Don’t go through this heartbreak and throw all that energy away on random things. Redirect all that energy that you’re currently spending on agonizing over her and put it into becoming the best version of yourself. Women are attracted to men with purpose, direction, and high energy. They will gravitate towards you this way.
Get Back in Shape (Mentally and Physically)
If you’re not in a good physical shape, then what you want to do is go to the gym and start working out. If you’re in shape, then aim for better goals. Just hit the gym. Go and eat well. Do new routines. Do new habits. Subscribe to the newsletter so you can become the first to know and read “The Art of Dating”. Read books and other articles on how to get women and back on the game. The idea isn’t just about getting laid. The idea is about building unshakable confidence and self-respect for yourself.
Start Dating Other Women (When You’re Ready)
You don’t need to jump into another serious relationship. Just go out there, go and meet new people, and practice your dating skills. Meet new women, distract yourself from becoming sad and wallowing, and look at all the other options that the world has to offer. The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. But more importantly, the idea is about seeing it firsthand that there are plenty of other amazing women out there. You are the prize. Act like it.
Learn from the Past, Don’t Dwell in It
Your relationship is already over. You don’t want her back. The relationship has served its purpose. It taught you what you don’t want in a relationship/woman and it highlighted all the areas you are lacking so you can improve as a man. Acknowledge those lessons, then leave the past in the past. Learn from your lesson. If you don’t learn from this, what’s going to happen is the universe will put you in a similar situation again and it will show you again where you are lacking if you don’t improve, and it will force you to experience this feeling again.
Understand and put it in your mind that your ex made her choice. Now it’s time for you to move on and to make yours. Choose to be a high-value man who isn’t defined by a past relationship. Choose to create a life that is so compelling that you don’t even have time to think about what your ex is doing. That is what and where you want to be. A high-value man. Remember that you deserve someone who will love, cherish, and respect you like you. Also understand that you won’t find her until you love, cherish, and respect yourself enough to move on from those who clearly don’t. So go out there and make something happen. Good luck.
