Hi, I’m Coach A-Man, and today I would be breaking down this newsletter called “I have No Idea How To Get A Girlfriend”

Quick Summary

I got a message from one of you guys that perfectly captures the frustrations that many young men feel. He’s 25, doesn’t drink or smoke, hates bars and clubs, and feels like there are no opportunities to meet women who actually want a genuine relationship. He’s tired of the “sex, drugs, alcohol” culture, and wants a stable and long-term relationship. He is concerned about all of these and he feels that he is drained and stuck in tha  routine and he wants a change. First off, man, I just want to say that what you’re feeling is valid. You are not alone on this. Like many others and like you reading this newsletter most likely have trouble finding a woman and find yourself in a loving and healthy relationship. It’s normal to look around, see what you think everyone else has, and feel completely lost and worried that you are not getting the same in life. You’re bombarded with fake realities on social media, and if you’re an introverted guy who doesn’t fit the party scene, it can feel like the game is rigged against you. But here’s the reality and this is crucial. In my opinion, I think you’re a much better starting point to be in than the others. Why? Because you’re seeing the BS clearly and that you’re craving for a change meaning that you are more driven to become better. First step to change is to identify and look at yourself and question yourself what you’re doing wrong and this is what you’ve done.  You’re rejecting the superficial. You want something real. And that’s exactly what high-quality women are looking for too.

So let’s go through his message.

I Have No Idea How To Get A Girlfriend

I don’t drink. I don’t smoke. I’m 25 and friends my age go to bars and clubs. I hate all of that stuff, but it feels like those are the only places to meet people where you are in an environment to possibly get with someone. I don’t think asking a cashier out is appropriate nor would I be the first person to try and ask them. The hobbies I have are more introverted or are hobbies where you won’t meet women.

I’m just so tired of it all. Everything is about sex, drugs, and alcohol. I’m not religious, but I’d always imagine having a nuclear-esque type of family. Now I’m at the age where I’m gonna be someone’s stepdad if I date. I want to have genuine experiences, having a nice dinner, going out for a picnic and talking about life, enjoying quality time at home while we bake cookies and binge watch movies or some show.

I don’t even know how to do long distance relationships either! I’m no stud, just an average looking guy, but I’m so starved for love. My daily life consists of waking up, going to the gym, going to work, coming home and doing mostly nothing on the weekdays because I feel drained and have nobody to spend any of my day with.

Sorry for the depressing post. I needed to vent this for a long time. I just feel so stuck and I don’t know how to fix it.

“Only Bars & Clubs To Meet People” is a Lie

The only way to meet women only in bars and clubs is a lie. Women are everywhere and there is a variety of women around you. If your type are women that go to clubs and bars, then that’s where you should go because that’s  where you’ll meet her. This is a limiting belief and you are holding yourself back with this mindset. There are women everywhere. There’s some at parks, groceries, libraries, and shopping centers. Understand that your environment is what shapes your opportunities. If you hate bars, stop going to them expecting a different result. Not only you’ll attract women that love bars, you’re not going to be happy with her in the long run because she likes going there and you don’t. Understand that only you can create opportunities to meet the women you want by going where the kind of women you’re into hang out. If you like intimate and quiet women, like I said you can try going to shopping malls or even libraries. If you enjoy loud women, then go to raves, festivals, bars, and clubs because there is a high chance that she’ll be there.

That is the common mindset for guys to hit the clubs and bars to find women. Pretty straightforward, because women go there to find a guy there as well or maybe they just enjoy the attention. But if you hate it but still try to find a woman there, you’re going to radiate low energy, look miserable, be unenthusiastic, then women are going to feel this and you will repel them. If your goal is a family and a woman who wants the same thing, then you’re not going to find her at the clubs doing tequila shots at 2 AM with a guy who clearly doesn’t want to be there, aren’t you? The average man’s default strategy is inefficient. This won’t work for you. Let’s say you finally get a woman in that setup, you won’t be happy in the long run because your values are not aligned. It may not cause problems now, but it will definitely cause you problems in the future. At that time, since feelings are involved, it’ll be much harder to leave and truly find the woman that you deserve.

What you should do first is to subscribe to our newsletter and type in your email in the input box because I will writing a short eBook made for men like you called “The Art of Dating”  that will give you the detailed step by step instructions on how to actually get women besides this, the mindset that comes with it, what to do and not to do, how to get multiple women, and/or maintain one for the long term if that’s what you prefer. I’ll be finishing it up soon and it will come out in a month’s time from now. Back to the story. What you should do first is to analyze and strategize your approach. Think about your values and list them out on a piece of paper. Write them all out. If you want genuine experience, nice dinners, baking cookies, binge watching movies, then write them all down on your paper. What happens when you write them down is you make it a physical thing and not just a mental and mindset thing. You can save it, put it in your wallet, or somewhere you can read it all the time because this is what will help you increase your radar to find that woman with the same value as you. Then read your list again then analyze and think. Where would that kind of woman, that has the same values as you, be hanging out? She won’t be drinking and partying wouldn’t she? So think. Where would she be hanging out? Maybe try new hobbies and classes like cooking classes, art classes, book clubs, hiking groups, volunteer organizations, chess clubs, board game nights,or maybe even language classes. Do you like Lord of the Rings? Then find local fantasy conventions, D&D groups, or even online communities that do meetups. You’ll have a higher chance of meeting her this way. Go to coffee shops, bookstores, department stores, libraries, local events like farmer’s markets, craft fairs, or community festivals. Go and try new things, get out of your comfort zone, and just do something new. These are some ideas that have low-pressure environments where people will most likely be receptive and open to conversations.

It’s Not What You Do. It’s How You Do It

Asking that cute cashier out that you’re interested is not inappropriate. It’s all in your approach and how you do it. Intent is everything. Quick, confident, respectful, direct, and smooth approach  is attractive for women. Creepy hovering, desperate rambling, and forcing the woman is not. The only guys who fumble approaches like this are the guys who make it weird. If you’re smooth, quick witted, and confident with your approach then it’ll work. A high-value man operates like James Bond. You don’t see James Bond being creepy and begging for her attention, do you? He just says it confidently and directly. If you get a vibe that there’s a moment of connection, vibe, through eye contact, or something else, then that’s the sign to approach her. It’ll only be a subtle sign so you have to pay attention. If she is attracted to you and you sense it, then you should approach quickly,, directly and say that you’re attracted to her and that you fancy her. This will separate you from all the other guys who don’t have this knowledge. If there is attraction then you can escalate the situation if you prefer by asking for her ways to contact her.

Like I said, it’s all about your approach with women. It’s now what you do, but how you do it. Make eye contact, hold it if it’s appropriate for the situation, smile, offer a genuine and brief compliment to her. Try compliments along the lines of “Hey, I just saw you from over there and I thought you’re absolutely beautiful.”, or “Hey, you always seem to have great energy. It’s made my day better.”. The idea is to compliment her and talk about her or things that interest her. Women love to talk, and everyone loves to talk about themselves. So utilize this. Also, when you do this approach, the worst thing she can do is ignore you. She’s  not going to be rude to you because no one will say anything bad to you after you give them compliments. IF they do for some reason, just shrug it off and just move on, it’s  not personal. Maybe she’s had a bad day or something. Then if she’s responding, showing you signs that she’s interested, or giving you signs to keep going, then what you should do is chitchat for a little bit then escalate. What your goal next is to ask for contact information so you can set up a date that way. That’s it. Keep it short. No need for long conversations or pickup lines. Master the basics and fundamentals and it’ll get you far with women and improve your approach to them. Remember that you are fun and easy going. If she says “no”, ignores you,  or something that says that she’s not interested, then you should just move on and don’t take it personally. Just respect it and move on.

Looks Are A Minor Factor

You don’t need to be rich, 6ft, a male model, super jacked, ripped, or any of these things. This is the common misconception for an average man trying to get a woman. Since men initially are interested in women who are physically beautiful and attractive, men just automatically assume that it is the same way for women. This is incorrect. With women, what attracts them is from what they hear, the confidence, and a determined high-value man. Looks can help but it’s not the main factor to attract a beautiful woman. What you need to understand is that attraction is not a choice, and it’s most definitely not  based on looks. A woman is more attracted to the “feelings” that she feels about you. It’s based on the feeling that you are a masculine man, confident, has a purpose/mission, self-reliant, emotional stability, and self-care. I know you know someone or at least have seen a not so good looking guy with a very hot woman/girlfriend. Why is that? It’s only because they got their life together in other areas. That’s the only difference between you and him. They’re most likely more confident, funny, decisive, or have an exciting purpose. Women are attracted to men that show strength, stability, security, and a man who has his life together.

What you can do from here for yourself  is to identify what you want deeply for your life, what is it that drives you, and what is it that motivates you. This gives you something you can work on because this is what will help you naturally attract women. Although looks are not the biggest factor, you still  want to optimize what you have. Even if you are an average looking man, you can be at your “best” average. Go to the gym and gain some muscles. Get some strength, build some muscle, and become more lean. This isn’t about becoming a bodybuilder, but the idea is to show women that you take care of yourself and that you are disciplined. Not only will this increase your physical appearance, but it will also boost your confidence greatly. Maintain good hygiene and be well groomed. Get a modern haircut, keep your facial hair, if there’s any, nice and neat, smell good, shower all the time, and do skin care. Know what style works with you. Throw away the hoodies, baggy shirts, and the baggy pants. Don’t wear them on dates and social events. Get yourself to invest in well-fitting clothes that make you look sharp and well put-together. The idea is to have something that makes you look like you value yourself. Wear clothes that are the right size, and if you’re in shape wear something that will compliment and show your physique. Expensive brands and clothes will not make you more attractive, it just makes you look childish and insecure. It’s much better for a man to wear something that is well-fitted, something that looks tailored or bespoked, that matches your personality and your physical traits. This will signal and make you look like you have self-respect.

‘Running on Empty’ Routine Is Draining You

Your “purpose” and mission in life isn’t just about the money or your career. The idea is that it’s about what makes your soul come alive and what makes you motivated to wake up in the morning. If you’re drained, then you need to analyze this yourself and ask yourself a compelling “why?”. A man without a purpose and mission in life  is like running in the deep forest. Don’t know what to do and don’t know where to go. A man just drifting in the wild and running on auto-pilot to whatever just comes along. This is why you feel drained and hopeless. If you have a purpose and mission, then this is what will energize you. It starts from within and it can be felt outwards by others. Women can sense this and women love a man who has this energy. It’s just the idea of that inner strength.

To sort this out, you have to sit yourself down and communicate with yourself. Ask yourself what do you want to do in life. Imagine if money and time is not an issue, what would you want to do with it? What is your mission? What fires you up? What problem do you want solved? What skills do you want to have? What skills do you want to master? Expand more on this. Once you find and identify your purpose, then what you want to do is dedicate time to it every single day. Even if it’s just for an hour, put your time and effort towards it outside of your work and outside of everything else. What you also want to do is to build your social life. Expand your social circle and the people that you know. This isn’t just about dating, but expand your circle of friends both male and female, through your hobbies and other activities. Having a full, exciting life with great quality friends will make you more attractive. It will make your life more fun and remove that feeling that you are “lonely” and “drained”. What you can work on as well is practicing your emotional self-control. Understand yourself and learn to manage that “depressing” feeling. Understand that women want to have fun. If you’re constantly feeling depressed and feeling down, they’ll sense this and they’ll be repulsed by it. Fake it if you have to in the beginning, but understand that the goal is to live a happy and full life. It’s okay to feel sad, but don’t let it suck you in a downward spiral. Use techniques like meditation, gratitude, and physical activities to shift your state and to increase and elevate your energy. Remember that a high-value man is happy and content with his life.

You Attract What You Are

You attract what you are. That’s the bottom line. If you have certain habits, values, and interests, then you’ll attract that same exact person in life. It signals the universe what you are and it gives you someone that has the same exact energy. So what you want to do is first build the foundation, change yourself to what you want to become, and in time if you’re putting the work in, that right woman for you will magically appear. You have to truly understand yourself, what your strengths are, and what your weaknesses are. You can’t manifest for a nuclear family when you don’t even know how to consistently attract women for the first date. Focus first on what is in front of you. Practice the baby  step and the basics. Understand the basics of attraction and in-person dating. Do your approaches and get out of your comfort zone. Understand yourself first, then understand what women like, then practice how to meet women, then how to get them on dates, how to get them in the bedroom, how to make them your girlfriend, and how to maintain and navigate yourself in a long-term relationship. The important thing is to fix your mindset and concentrate on becoming the high-value man that I have described and the one that you believe that you can become. The man who is confident, purposeful, emotionally stable, and the guy who knows how to lead fun and engaging interactions. When you are that man, the women who want and crave genuine experiences and potentially  a nuclear family will just gravitate towards you. That is the bottom line. It’s pretty basic and easy to understand. Don’t complicate it. It’s all going to come down to how much time and effort you work on yourself. There is no magic formula, technique, or that ‘one line’ that will just get you all the women. You need to put in the work. You are 25 years old, not 85. You have a clean starting point and you don’t have emotional baggage that you need to work on. You’re just lacking the knowledge and instruction on how to practice it. I gave you the basics, the ideas, and some examples for you to do. Now it’s just up to you to go and do it. The results are on your hands. This isn’t about becoming a “PUA” or a “nice guy”. It’s about transforming yourself to become a new man with new habits and is more disciplined, self-respecting, and high-value who understands how attraction works and is consistently applying the fundamentals. Remember that “opportunities” are everywhere. The women are around you, you just have to see them and you have to be ready when she comes along.