A young man with dark, styled hair and a light shirt, holding a coffee cup, looks thoughtfully out a window in a cafe.

Hi, I’m Coach A-Man, and today I would be breaking down this newsletter called “How Do Guys Find Girlfriends And Relationships?”.

Quick Summary

I found a message from one of the guys that will hit home for a lot of younger guys out there. Or older virgins out there. He’s 19, frustrated, feels like he’s hopeless with women, and he’s still a virgin. A lot of men have this anxious feeling and they feel like they are under performing in the women category compared to their peers or friends. He feels like girls have huge egos, everyone’s taken, and there are “never any opportunities that go for him. I’ve been in your situation so I completely understand what you’re feeling, don’t worry. The guys also specifically said, “PLEASE don’t tell me things like ‘get a good career and make money’ because stuff like that doesn’t seem true. I’ve seen so many guys who aren’t rich or 6ft tall who have girlfriends or had girlfriends or just casual sex”. I know the answer for this and we’ll break down his message, give you insights and things that you can do to get laid and get a woman.

So let’s go through his message.

How Do Guys Find Girlfriends And Relationships As A Virgin?
It seems so difficult.
I’ve also had some terrible experiences with girls. Some girls seem to have big egos and not wanna be talked to or approached.
Most seem to have a boyfriend.
I feel so upset about being a virgin as a 19 year old. I don’t understand how so many guys do it. There’s never any opportunity to talk to girls and be in a relationship with them.
Please no incel bs or “PUA” stuff like “negging”. I wanna have a constructive and respectful post and hear advice from other guys.
And PLEASE don’t tell me things like “get a good career and make money” because stuff like that doesn’t seem true. I’ve seen so many guys who aren’t rich or 6ft tall who have girlfriends or had girlfriends or just casual sex. My sister’s friends have dated guys who don’t fit these crazy standards I see on social media.

I understand your frustration. I was a late bloomer too and have been in your spot wondering how my friends and other guys have success in their relationships. Your frustration is valid. All of us guys know that getting a woman is hard. The dating world is hard. It also doesn’t help when you go on social media and see all these photos and videos of guys living their life with the most perfect, hottest woman or men that have a lot of pretty women that is dating them. It’s easy to get discouraged and feel like you’re missing some secret “formula” and the magic trick for their result. But let me tell you, at 19, feeling this way is incredibly common. What’s not common is having the right knowledge and applying it. Let’s go through it.

You mentioned:

“And PLEASE don’t tell me things like “get a good career and make money” because stuff like that doesn’t seem true. I’ve seen so many guys who aren’t rich or 6ft tall who have girlfriends or had girlfriends or just casual sex. My sister’s friends have dated guys who don’t fit these crazy standards I see on social media.”

This one you’re absolutely right. The idea that you need to be rich, 6ft tall, look like a movie star, and or have a jacked body is a complete lie. These are what guys delude themselves into believing what attracts women. Weak and insecure men like these have the idea in their mind that it’s about the visual and appearance that will make the women in love with him. But in reality, women are not men. Women don’t think like men. Men fall in love initially through the visual, appearance, and the looks, and women fall in love through their ears, the dating experience, and how you make them feel. These are just excuses propagated by guys who aren’t willing to do the actual work and see reality as it is. When you see the “average” guys with great girlfriends or “casual” relationships, it’s because those exact guys, consciously or unconsciously, are applying the fundamentals I teach. They might not be able to articulate it and word it, but they’re doing it. Not many people are born to fundamentally and naturally have the knowledge to get girls. Usually guys like these are born with good parents, in a loving household, where the dad is the man of the house and he’s respected, and the mother is in her feminine energy, in love with his husband and the son grows up learning the knowledge from his father instinctively. Since we are not born that way, we have to learn it the hard way. For me, I had to read all these books, coaches, and test them all out and get my heart broken by all these women. What my goal here is to write this down and put my effort into helping men, like you and like how I was, that have no clue with women to learn how to actually get them into a intimate romantic relationship or be into casual relationships if that is what you’re into.

So, What’s Really Going On? And How Do You Fix It?

It comes down to a few core things that are completely within your control and I have listed them out for you:

“Opportunities” Are Self-Created.
“Egos” & “Unapproachable” Is Often Your Projection.
“Most Have Boyfriends” = Abundance Mindset Failure.
Being a Virgin at 19: It’s Just a Number.

Your “Opportunities” Are Self-Created

Dating and relationships are a skill. Just like going to the gym or learning a new hobby. To get better at dating, it will take repetition and knowledge of how to navigate through it. Opportunities to get laid and be in a relationship don’t just magically appear. It’s the skills and knowledge that you need to learn so that you can create these opportunities for yourself. It all starts with you. You have to understand the mindset, how to dress, how to approach the women, understand that attraction is not a choice, learn what to and what not to do, learn what to say and what not to say, how to maintain attraction long term, how to be at the right place, at right time, and what skills do you need and what mindset you need to have and understand what your weakness are and what bad habits that you need to change. Understand that to be in a relationship, you need to have the knowledge first and go out there and get yourself hurt to find her. Especially if you have no experience and no confidence, the only way you can improve this is by putting yourself out there with the intention to date women and be prepared to get hurt. That’s the reality and the bottom line.

If you stay in your comfort zone and don’t explore the dating world for yourself (just by reading it and studying about it) and you just shy away and box yourself in behind the baggy hoodies, only hanging out with your 3 guy friends, you will get nowhere. What you’re doing to yourself here is you’re putting a wall against opportunities and relationships and you’re hiding behind it. Women don’t magically just fall in love with you. It’s just like how money just doesn’t fall from the sky. You have to set yourself up and position yourself for the best odds so that you can get the women. Don’t sit at home, jerk off in your bedroom, fantasize about the women, and just read about the relationships and the women. Get yourself really out there. Go where they go, and do stuff that they do.

To fix this, then you should go out there and do stuff. Go where the women go. Get yourself in clubs, groups, or activities where there will be women. Try doing sport leagues, dance classes, cooking classes, volunteer groups, hobby clubs, or gym classes. The goal here is not to “hunt” for a girlfriend. The mindset is to first build confidence and genuine social comfort with women. Learn to approach them. If you’re very shy, then start with eye contact and just smile at them. Then escalate to small chit chats, then escalate to getting contact details/phone numbers, then setting dates, then taking them out on dates, and taking them in the bedroom. The idea here is to build confidence. Start small. If confidence is not there, then practice eye contact and smiling at women you’re attracted to and not attracted to. Do 100 of them. If you get more confident, then escalate to the next step. Build confidence. Your confidence will be your backbone to getting the woman/relationship you want. You first need to learn how to talk to women first and see them as human beings and not as these mythical goddess beings. Start by being genuinely friends with them without any agenda, then escalate accordingly if she has attraction/interest towards you. Do the numbers because it’s all about the numbers. Do your approaches. Do your approaches in person, go on dating websites, and set dates. Start doing the numbers.

“Egos” & “Unapproachable” Is Often Your Projection

Women can read men way better than men can read women. Dating a woman is more of a psychological game. It’s more of a dance and science, rather than instructions and step by step. It’s not necessarily what you do, but how you do it and how it is perceived. Since you have no experience and confidence, when you approach women this way, women can sense it. They have a radar for this. Your weakness and inexperience can be sensed by women through your approach, how you talk, how you move, and how you stand up for yourself. This is why women put up a wall. It is to defend themselves from the weak men and against the creepy men that don’t take no for an answer. An average woman and most women usually don’t have an ego. It’s just their instinct to respond to weakness and lack of confidence. Don’t take this too personally. If you feel resistance like this even from a woman that you don’t like, then that’s okay just move on. You need to build emotional calluses so that overtime when you get through enough heartbreak and pain, it’ll just be normal for you to move on if you get rejected.

This is why you do the numbers and talk to a lot of women that you like and you don’t like. So that you develop and find your style and your confidence, and so that you can build emotional strength. Remember that it starts from the inside. It starts from your mindset and how you perceive yourself. So just go out there. If you’re nervous and shy, you can try a different city or somewhere else where you can go do your approaches and practice as so without having the concern that you’ll encounter them again. Always keep in mind that your mindset should be in a place of strength and abundance. Remember that you are a strong man that has value, and when a woman rejects you that is fine and you don’t take it too personally and you just move on to the next. You’re fun and easy going. If you encounter women that have not very nice personalities or are just rude to you, you just assume that they woke up on the wrong side of the bed or they’re just in a very bad mood, you say your goodbyes, be polite, nice, and just move on. It doesn’t matter the reason, you just get yourself back up and move on to the next. If your approaches are like this, then what you’re doing is creating a man that is coming from a place of strength and abundance, which is what you want. When you approach women, you expect them to be nice, fun, and interested in you. Even if that is not the case, it’s a much better standpoint and it’s much easier to move on because in your mind it is their loss. Your energy is important, so protect it with your life. Keep your energy strong, uplifting, nice, easy going, and masculine. If you get rejected, remember that it’s not personal. It’s just the woman’s instinct.

Like I have just said, your first step is to understand yourself. You can’t love someone else if you don’t love yourself. It doesn’t matter if it’s a friendship, work dynamics, or something else. If you don’t value yourself, then no one will value you. If you want to be in a relationship, you first have to be focused on yourself and your purpose/mission in life. Keep in mind that women are the compliment to your happy and stable life. They’re the cherries on top. Women are the prize and the reward because you have built yourself a loving and stable life. Not only will this increase your mindset and make your approaches better, it will also give you this natural confidence that you can use for other aspects of your life. When you approach women, be direct and mean it that you want to talk to her and get to know her. Women can sense this, so be confident, show your intention that you’re interested in her, walk up to her, make and hold eye contact, and say your introduction and first impression. It doesn’t have to be extravagant and extreme. It just have to be direct, short, not creepy, and grab her attention. What I usually say is along the lines of , “Hi. I noticed you from over there and I thought that you are absolutely beautiful and wanted to introduce myself”. The only thing she can say from here with this approach if done correctly as I said is usually “Thank You” or “That’s very sweet”. Then ask her for her name afterwards. No need for those weird cringe pickup lines. They will only work depending on your confidence, but my suggestion is to start with this. This is the most robust opening line that you can do and I still use it to this very day. No need for long speeches. As you talk to her, approach her, and as she speaks, just watch for her attraction level. Look at how she moves. Does she smile? Does she tilt her head to the side? Is she happy that you approached her? Is she touching/playing with her hair? Is she stiff? Is she facing away from you hoping that you stop talking to her or hoping that one of her friends saves her? Is she giving one word dry responses? Learn to read her subtle signs and just keep a mental note. These are the key to understanding her attraction levels. It doesn’t matter if it is good or bad, the idea here is to learn how to read body languages, because body language is the secret to understanding women. If she is interested, then escalate as so. If she’s not, don’t take it personally and move on. Rejection isn’t a failure. It just means redirection.

“Most Have Boyfriends” = Abundance Mindset Failure

The world has 3.5 billion women. It’s full of amazing women. If you’re stuck thinking everyone’s taken, then you’re operating and coming from a place weakness and scarcity mindset. This is counter intuitive to what you want in getting a woman/relationship. It kills your motivation, decreases your attraction level for women, and it holds you back from opportunities. Understand that part of you is also craving it. If your mindset is that the women you’re into mostly have “boyfriends”, then you should look at yourself and see if it’s an insecurity or a habit. If you grew up being attracted to emotionally unavailable women, then understand that it is holding you back from getting yourself a woman. You are not “broken”, you just have to work on this and understand that this is a fixable issue. You have to look at and read the previous chapters of this newsletter and my other newsletters to have more insights about this. A man deserves love and he deserves a woman that loves him as so. There are a lot of women on this planet. Just because some have boyfriends and are taken, you don’t have to wait for them to be single. Get rid of that mindset. Find a woman that reciprocates and shows interest towards you. That is the woman that you want to approach.

What you want to do is make new friends, introduce yourself to more people and women, and expand your social circle. Just do anything to find the women and position yourself for best odds of success. Your focus here should be creating opportunities for new options and new women, and to not obsess over the ones that you can’t have. If you are stuck or having no progress, just relax, stay calm, and just enjoy your situation. Understand that it is part of thee journey. Just constantly expose yourself to new social environments. Talk to every woman you meet, both women you like and don’t like. The barista, the cashier, the lady at the shops, or classmates. What you’ll do here for yourself is build your comfort and show to yourself that many women are out there and that you just have to go out there to get them.

Being a Virgin at 19: It’s Just a Number

Everyone has to start somewhere. If you are a late bloomer, then just accept it as it is and start there. I had to start late as well because I don’t know any better just as you. Experience level is irrelevant compared to your willingness to learn how relationships, how women think, and to have determination to actually apply it in real life. Understand that most men are in your situation as well. Understand that most guys are just as insecure and clueless about their relationship situations as well and some will lie about them being a virgin as well, they just don’t talk about it. At least for your situation, you have the balls to word it out. Don’t be intimidated by this. At 19, you’re just getting started. Many guys, just like me, won’t get their first serious relationship until their early 20’s or later. The guys who get the results are not doing anything special or different to what I’m trying to teach you here at WorkandDating.com. They are a better man than you only because they have the knowledge, have more confidence than you, and are going out there to actually try and get the women. That’s it, that’s the only difference. It’s just understanding more of the basics, the fundamentals, and the principles (consciously or unconsciously). Just understand that relationship and the dating world is a skill, just like everything else. You learn and improve through repetition and practice.

Don’t stress too much about your body count. The important thing is to have the knowledge and practice it. So when the woman and the opportunity are all aligned, then you’ll know what to actually do and that you have the knowledge to make her attracted to you rather than being clueless. Your focus should be on becoming the kind of man who women actually want to date and sleep with, and not to become a male “girlfriend”. Your focus should become the man who women gravitate towards to because you are the man, are attractive, masculine, has a purpose, confidence, emotional control, self-reliant, good style, good hygiene, great physical shape and everything along these lines. The “virgin” label will disappear over time as a result of you becoming the “man”. Just do the numbers and you’ll see for yourself. That’s the only way to get the results that you truly want that is long lasting, and not just the “pickup” aspect of it. Don’t worry about the past. Just focus on the future and what you should do to become that “man”.

Your Blueprint to Becoming The “Man”

This isn’t about being rich or tall, like we have talked about. I’ll summarize everything again in this short list. It’s all about being:

Purpose-Driven: To have a mission outside of women. This is your anchor and this is what will entertain and make women love you for the long-term.
Physically Optimized: Become visually pleasing for a woman. Hit the gym, dress sharp, groom yourself. This boosts your confidence naturally and it makes you objectively more appealing and attractive. Women care about looks too, but not to how men see it but rather to show the woman that he takes care of himself.
Emotionally Stable: Learn to respond to interactions, not react. Be the mountain and her, not the weather.
A Leader: Lead with confidence, logic, and an masculine mindset. In conversation, on dates, in your life.
Abundant: Know there are always more options. If you don’t get the results that you want, then just smile, don’t take it personally, and move on.
Decisive: Be definite and plan everything how you want it to go, but flexible enough to her preference. Make plans, ask women out, and escalate as so. Lead the interaction and be decisive.
Action-Oriented: You won’t read through books your way to a girlfriend. You have to go out and work for it. Get yourself out there, and go and get hurt. It’s all about the numbers. Go through the no’s to get to the yes’.

Stop letting the perceived world “standards” or past bad experiences hold you back from getting what you want. Don’t put up a wall and hold yourself back. The pain is just part of the journey. You’re just like everyone else and you deserve a loving woman. The guy that you’re looking for and jealous of, the one who effortlessly attracts women without being rich or having the nicest ripped body, is the guy who has focused on becoming the best version of himself, built a life he loves, and understands how attraction actually works. He is you, you just have to put the work in.

That guy can be you. That guy is you. But you have to be willing to do the work. You don’t chase women. You chase excellence, knowledge, and a better you. You attract. You lead with purpose. Master work. Master women. Master yourself. Good luck to you gentlemen.