A smiling man with dark hair and a beard, wearing a dark green jacket over a blue shirt, stands outdoors with two blurred women seated at a table in the background.

Hi, I’m Coach A-Man, and today I would be breaking down this newsletter called “How Would You Help An Average Man Get A Girlfriend?”

Quick Summary

I found a challenge that a lot of you men that lead to my website and newsletter can benefit from. It’s one of the biggest questions out there for men that are timid, shy, have no experience, and have no previous intimate relationship with women yet and it’s “How Would You Teach Men To Pursue Sexual Relationships? Is it even possible to take an ‘average’ man and not be very good looking to get him into a sexual relationship within 6 months?”. The challenge came with a twist and it says that if he “smashes,” I win a million dollars. So, you know I’m invested.

And for the women asking if they have the capacity to teach men this? Absolutely. The principles of attraction are universal. It’s not so much about women or the men teaching it, the idea is learning and understanding the difference between masculine role and the feminine role. The greater the energy of these two are, then the polarity and the attraction is better. While some women might articulate it differently, the core needs of the feminine remain constant. What she wants is a confident, decisive, purpose-driven man who knows how to lead himself and her. This isn’t rocket science, but it is discipline. Is it more complicated than ‘just treat women like human beings’? Yes, because “treating women like human beings” is the bare minimum or decent human interaction, not a strategy for sexual attraction. Attraction is primal. It’s about embodying specific traits and increasing your odds of success so that women are aligned to you and so that they react biologically and psychologically how they are wired to respond to.

And for the million-dollar question about “toxic traits” versus the “good guy route,” let me be clear and state my point. To be in a relationship and to build a guy with long term success, the man that we are building is an alpha male with good manners. Understand that “toxic traits” are a shortcut to short-term, unsustainable, often miserable results. Women might perceive it as “Masculine” since they are being assertive and decisive, in the long run they will be repulsed by him because he is “toxic traits” are coming off from his insecurity and over time it will reek out and the woman will sense it making her pull away. Then on the other side is the “good guy” route, to be a doormat and desperate. This one doesn’t work too because what it usually means is to become mellow and weak and it will just lead to the friend zone and resentment. What we aim here is genuine, authentic strength for the man, and a long term concept that the man can use forever because he understands the idea, and not just the “pick up” aspect of it.

So let’s go through the message.

How Would You Help An Average Man Get A Girlfriend?
How would women teach men how to pursue sexual relationships with women? Is it something you believe you have the capacity to do?
Keep in mind that the end goal is a sexual relationship, not a platonic one. How would you avoid guiding him into endless platonic relationships? How would you coach him into making his intentions clear in a way that is appealing and not off putting? Could you make a man ick-proof? Could you help a man who was average in looks, income and social status find a girlfriend of relatively equal measure?
Maybe consider it a part of a wacky game show deal where if he successfully moves from strangers to a couple with a woman, you win a million after taxes. So you are invested in making it work.
You get 6 months. You get a 5’8, plain faced 28 year old. All his hair. He makes 50k annual. Skinny-fat. He’s got like 3 guy friends, no female friends. Studio apartment, no roommates. Nut allergy. He’s apolitical. Likes Lord of the rings. Drives for Amazon. Wears hoodies and jeans. Not hot, not ugly. Racially ambiguous.
What’s your strategy? How do you overhaul his look? Where do you tell him to meet women? How shall he approach them, how should he initiate dates, text. How should he manage his social media and dating app accounts to make himself appealing? Do you put him on a gym routine or do you want to risk believing women don’t care about muscles that much? Remember a million dollars is on the line. Might it be worth getting him to embody some toxic traits? Or should he go the good guy route. No prize money unless he actually smashes.
Let’s hear it. I have a feeling it will be a bit more complicated than ‘just treat women like human beings’. I’m interested to see if women think they can make an average man viable in 2025.

Although this question is designed for a woman’s insight, I figured why not put my insights as well for you guys to learn from. With whatever parameters you start from, understand there are things that you can control and there are much more things that you can’t control. There’s no guarantee of a special, magic technique that actually works for every single situation. There is a general idea for the technique and this is what I try to teach you men, but understand the concept that you can only increase your odds and that it’s not a 100% guarantee. I’ll write down here the main core/concept/philosophy that you should have for this challenge.

Men Pursue, Women Choose: A guy should always do the approaching and pursuing, but understand that she must be invested into you and that she chose to be with you.
Attraction Is Not A Choice: The best thing that you can do is increase your odds through doing things that make you more attractive, and not become too logical, or plead too much, or become desperate.
Be The Man: A man should always be comfortable with his own skin, to have his own purpose, emotional self-control, and a strong masculine frame. Opposites create polarity. The more masculine you are, then the more feminine the woman you’ll be attracting.
Abundance Mindset: He knows that there are 3.5 billion women on the planet, and he knows that there is always another woman that comes by every 15 minutes. He knows that it is all about the numbers.
Self-Improvement Never Stops: He knows that it’s not just for this 6 months journey because he knows that it’s constant and it never stops when the 6 months end.

Building The Attractive Man

Man’s Purpose and Mission

Women shouldn’t be the mission for the man. The first step to understand what the priority should be is what your mission and purpose in life is. If you don’t have one, what will happen is when you chase a woman or a relationship, you’ll tend to focus your attention completely to make her your purpose and this will make you lose her. A man’s first job is to be about something, not be about someone. Most shy guys since they don’t know what to do, they are nervous, and clueless, what happens is they focus too much on the woman and they completely forget their mission in life, which is why women lose their attraction fast. A woman doesn’t want to be your whole world and they don’t want to be the priority. What she wants is to be invited into it. She wants the man to become himself, fulfill his own life, and be completely fine with just his own company. The woman wants a man like this and she just wants to be invited so she can just have fun, be pretty for him, and enjoy his life. The man should look at a woman to be a compliment to his life and not make her his whole life. Since most men are weak and clueless, there’s only a few guys that naturally have this mindset and only a few more guys force themselves to learn this mindset. This is what I try to teach men to achieve, to give you the knowledge so you can use it and see for yourself. These guys who have this knowledge would be the guys, known or unknown, that are the ones dating the hottest women that walk our planet.

He understands that to attract women, his priority should be himself. He doesn’t play around with women, do too much, wonder so much that he is orbiting her, and position himself as weak when he is still chasing her when the woman already showed and give him signs that she is not interested. When you orbit around her and position yourself as the backup guy, she will lose respect towards you. As I always say: “Women want to be a part of your life, not the center of it”. When you commit to your purpose, it naturally builds self-esteem and an abundance mindset. It makes you stronger mentally and emotionally. Your power as a man lies in self-sufficiency, having self-worth, self-value, and having an unshakeable inner strength. Purpose-focused men appear unpredictable, magnetic, and definitely attractive to women because their drive comes from within. Their energy is sourced from something deep within and he is in love with it, and this energy radiates outwards and women definitely see and feel this. They do not seek validation from external sources, especially women. They are self-sufficient and the only validation that he wants is from himself. As the famous saying goes, “The person who needs nothing commands everything”. What you can do from here so you can know your purpose, if you don’t know yet, then what you should do is to sit yourself down, write down and brainstorm ideas about the things that speak to you and your purpose. It can be from a business standpoint, discovering a new skill, or setting a major physical challenge for you to do. It can be anything. The idea is something that will make you commit to it, where you can focus your energy on, and your time so it can anchor you as a man and make yourself busy because you enjoy and want to become a better man. Understand that the concept here should be to make yourself your mission, and understand that she is a compliment and a reward for your life.

Appearance and Aesthetic Changes

The idea here is to generate an appearance and a presentation that will increase and optimize your odds of success. Looks aren’t everything, but presentation and how you are perceived visually is crucial. What you have to do is to invest in yourself so that you can project confidence and good health better. If you are “skinny-fat” and wear hoodies and baggy shirts, what it suggests to a woman is you lack self-discipline. If you want to be perceived the best and to increase your chances of being in an intimate and sexual relationship, then you have to maximize your attractiveness. Just how you wouldn’t prefer dating a woman who doesn’t take care of herself, a woman feels the same way about a man who doesn’t take care of himself. Anyone who says women don’t care about a man’s physique is either lying or trying to sell you something else. Women are individuals like you. They are valuable and worth something and in return, they want a man who is as well. Dressing better and presenting yourself better it’s not just about being “seen” as better. When you dress up better, wear clothes that fit you, and work out how you should be, this boosts the most important thing for a man, which is his confidence. Not only that but it also boosts his energy, posture, overall health, and overall perceived value.

Your appearance is part of your persona. It’s an extension of yourself, your creativity, and how you want to be seen. A well-cultivated image projects power and control over oneself. It shows that he respects and values himself, and in return he will attract people and values that are of the same level. What are the things that you can do to improve this? First understand your style. If your style is beard and flannels, then what you should do is keep your beard well maintained, be well groomed, maintain good hygiene, and make sure the clothes that you wear are ironed or atleast have little to no creases. If you have a nice body, then you can wear fitted shirts that can show your physique. The concept here is to compliment and find your style and make sure that it is matched to your vibe and to be presented as a clean and disciplined man. What you can do also is 4-5 days/week weightlifting + 2-3 days cardio. You don’t do it for vanity, but for your confidence, energy, and improved posture. Going to the gym gives you a different perspective on life and I’m telling you it will make you feel better. Another thing you can improve is your food intake and your nutrition. You want a clean diet, have more protein, and intake more vitamins. Like I said previously, improving your grooming and self hygiene.Find your style and get a professional, modern haircut. Clean up the beard if you have a beard. Skincare. Get teeth professionally whitened. Subtle, quality cologne. Cut your nails. Floss your teeth. Everything along these lines. Change your wardrobe too. Get rid of the lousy and baggy hoodies, baggy shirts, and baggy jeans. Invest in well-fitting, neutral-colored jeans/chinos, fitted tees, polos, 5-7 sharp button-downs. A versatile blazer. Quality leather shoes/boots. A good watch. A woman notices a bespoked or tailored clothes to a man’s body more than anything else. Not necessarily bespoke and tailored, but well fitted clothing will go a long way. Understand the concept here. Look the part so you can be the part.

The Action and Application

Being Comfortable With Women

If you have no confidence and experience with women, there’s no other way to gain them but going out there and to risk rejection and discomfort. You will not succeed in getting yourself a woman if you don’t know what to do and not to attract a woman. The only way to know this truly for yourself is not just by reading them from me or someone else, but rather going out there and actually doing it for yourself. The real comfort with women is not only just through the numbers, as it truly comes from genuine social interaction, and not just the dating attempts. That’s why it’s important to have a life first, to find your purpose and mission and to find a way that will allow them to be included.

Having no female friends is a massive indicator of discomfort. You can’t just flip a switch from awkward to smooth talker on a date. He needs reps. It’s all about the numbers. Your social circle is your stage. Your social life is an extension of your social proof. The more people you know, the higher your chances are to hold conversations with women.. By expanding it, you demonstrate your value through social proof. The idea is simple, the more people you know, the more known you are. If you are uncomfortable and new, you can start by enrolling in 2-3 mixed-gender group activities. You can do co-ed sports like volleyball, ultimate frisbee, or basketball, try new dance classes like salsa or swing because these are great for leading and getting over the touch comfort zone, try cooking classes or even volunteer groups. The goal for you here is increasing your social comfort, interaction, and to expand your network and not “girlfriend-hunting”. The concept here is to find yourself a new hobb, purpose, or something that you can work on and have fun, and so that you can build a life that your woman would want to join.

Improving Your Social Media Presence

Just as you improve your presence in real life by dressing up better, working out to improve your body health and shape, and maintaining good hygiene and well-groomed, you also have to improve your social media presence. Dating apps and social media are powerful tools that you can use and utilize to showcase your high-value life and not to chase around and beg for women’s attention. Most guys’ dating app profiles and social media images are garbage. Most don’t care about them because they have no clue how it really impacts them. The blurry selfies, generic bios, awkward and goofy poses. Just how you utilize your look in person, this is how you utilize your online look/presence. This is your chance to stand out. There are a lot of studies that consistently show that high-quality photos can increase matches by 200% or more for men on dating apps. Your online profile and image is marketing yourself out there. What you want to do is control your presentation and how you are perceived again. What you reveal, how you reveal it, and what you show shapes perception of women.

Change and update your images and your online presence to create curiosity, interest, and intrigue. Show an image that you are wanted by women, live a happy life, self-contented, self-reliant, but not too overtly that you look creepy and too “narcissist”. The idea is to look valuable and desired so it creates curiosity and intrigue for women. What you can do is hire a professional photographer for sharp, well-lit photographs. It can be smiling portraits, full-body shots with your new wardrobe, photos showing new hobbies/passions like at the gym or classes, a couple photos with friends for social proof but just make sure that the focus is you. If you post photos, images, or showcase your account, your bio should be short, confident, intriguing. The idea is to be intriguing for women to make them curious about you. Curiosity is what increases their attraction. Highlight your new purpose, balanced hobbies, and or achievements. Don’t be too overt but do showcase them. The idea is not to be creepy and weird. The idea that you want is to make yourself look the best and create intrigue and curiosity for women to think about you . Don’t post anything that puts you in a negative position or make you look desperate. Just keep it fun and interesting. Go through your social media accounts and clean up old posts. If you are doing fun and interesting things, then post photos/videos showcasing them, from your fun life, gym progress, new skills that you learned, new achievements, social activities, or even improved lifestyle. Make sure that what you showcase is how you want to be perceived which is valuable, fund, and interesting. The concept here is that your profile and your social media presence should showcase your reality or perceived reality. Just like a salesman, showcase yourself as worth paying attention to or worth “buying”.

Your Approach And Intention

When you approach a woman, be direct and clear with your intention. Nothing will make a woman lose attraction to you than being scared and being afraid of saying to her what your true intention with her is. Read my newsletter called “What Are The Biggest Mistakes Men Make That Push Women Away?” and “Why Do Women Pull Away Even When Things Seem Good?” for a more detailed breakdown. Understand that a man should be direct and clear with his romantic intentions with a woman, but always be respectful. Gauge her interest towards you and move as so. Indecision is unattractive from a woman’s perspective towards a man.

“Shy & clueless” men fall into the “friend zone” trap because they don’t communicate about their romantic interests from the get go. What shy and weak men tend to do through the friendship route is to be there always for her, be the emotional tampon, the male “girl-friend”, to talk about dramas, go shopping, and do other girl stuff hoping that in the end she sees his value and see that he has been the one that he’s looking for. This is counter intuitive. Women are not mind readers. You have to lead and direct the interaction where you want to direct it, and what you want is to be in a romantic relationship with her and not be her “friend”. Every interaction that you have with her should lead to increasing her attraction, to take her on dates, and at the end to take her in the bedroom. Your actions and intentions must clearly communicate this to her. Obviously don’t be creepy. Be sweet, smooth, and fun but keep in mind that this is your intention. Anything that doesn’t lead to a romantic relationship or anything that doesn’t increase her attraction level towards you you should not do.

The concept and the idea here is to be bold in the act of initiation and approach so that you can set the dynamic. It’s much harder to be masculine and show your romantic interest if you have been weak and timid with her. You have to start and initiate with a bold and confident approach. Don’t hide your desires. Don’t hold them back, show them to her with confidence and charm. Your mindset should be that you’re fun, confident, you say your intent, you’re direct, and clear with your romantic intentions. If her attraction level to you is high, then she will react accordingly. IF her attraction level to you is low, then you just say your goodbyes, don’t be rude, and politely excuse yourself. Your approach should be along the lines of, “Hi, I noticed you from there and I thought you are absolutely beautiful [something specific]. What’s your name?”. Your conversations should be light, easy, fun, and while you’re talking to her look for subtle signals that will determine her attraction level to you. If she is attracted to you and showing signs that she’s attracted, then what you should do is escalate the conversation. Ask for her number, social media account, or contact info along the lines of, “I’ve enjoyed talking to you. I’d love to take you out for a date, a walk in the park, and buy some snacks/coffee [Specific, Fun Date Idea]. How about this Friday at 6pm? [Specific Time and Day]. What’s the best way to contact you? If you get her contact info, remember that texting is only for setting dates. You don’t want to conversate on the phone. Why? Because you want the conversation in person and not on the phone. What you want is to be her romantic partner, you don’t want to be text playmates. Be clear with your goal. Once your rapport is established, move to setting the date. Remember that when you get her info, and you’re texting/messaging, keep it short and don’t double text. Set the date and politely excuse yourself. If there is no response, don’t message her again and wait for a week. You only want two tries with a woman. If she doesn’t reply again for the second message, then that’s her saying to you that she is not attracted to you, so this is the time to move on. Understand that the concept here is to make your intentions known, approach her, be clear, direct, and fun, talk to her, and get her contact details. Messages are only for setting dates because your chats/conversations should be in person if you want her to be your romantic partner. If attraction is there then escalate the situation. Two steps forward, one step back. If you are feeling that she’s pulling away slightly, gauge her attraction and see if just doing one step back is the best option or if her attraction towards you is not there, then just move on politely and nicely.

Date Management And Escalation

The idea is to hang out, have fun, and hook up. Dates are for building rapport. It should create fun experiences and a tool to increase intimacy. If her attraction is high, then escalate the intimacy two steps and if you are feeling resistance from her then just take one step back and remain your cool, stay relaxed, stay composed, and just have fun. Remember to hang out, have fun, and hook up. Remember the order. As a man, you should lead the process. When you want to take a woman on a date, you must plan everything beforehand and the idea is to ask her to join you because you want her company and that you are interested in her romantically.

Vague date ideas, like asking her along the lines of “Would you like to go on a date with me?” or “When can I take you on a date”, and a lack of physical escalation are why dates go nowhere. A woman wants a man who has a plan and is decisive. Like I said, you have to take the lead and plan everything. Where the date should be, activities that you should do, what time, and other information about the date. But don’t be too strict about it, have room for changes if there is another plan and/or if she has a better idea or somewhere more comfortable for her to do. As a man you have to escalate intimacy. Two steps forward and one step back if you feel resistance from her is the rule to escalate intimacy. If you’re not moving things forward, another man will. Keep it simple. It’s risky, but that’s what makes it fun for you and that’s what makes it fun for her. The masterful seducer orchestrates situations for intimacy. Everything that you do, how you move, where the date is, the activities, and the time of the date should be directed and should lead to your goal, which is to be in a romantic relationship with her and intimacy in the bedroom. This is about confident, consensual leadership. Your first Date should be short and very casual, ideally 15 minutes to an hour max. It can be for a coffee or a drink in a cafe. The idea is a short quick date that is light and fun. The goal here is to gauge and see her attraction level towards you and see if there’s chemistry. If successful, then end the date. Make sure that it’s you that end the date first, so you can set up another date to continue your conversation again. Your second Date should be an activity or a dinner. Second date should be fun, interactive, and there should be an opportunity to initiate touching. An activity like bowling will give you an opportunity to touch through high fives, showing her techniques or vice versa, etc. This will create shared experiences and open up for room to break the touch barrier. Your third date should be intimacy Focused. Often dinner at the man’s place where he can cook a simple meal or they can set it up as a couple cooking activity which is more intimate. Or it can be a romantic activity somewhere else if she’s not comfortable yet followed by an invitation back to his studio/place. This is where physical intimacy is expected to happen if there’s mutual attraction. For any physical escalation, the man must always initiate and watch for her signals. Her signals will be subtle so pay attention. Wait for her to initiate and give you signs, this will make your escalation much easier and much more successful. Remember to escalate. Start from light touches on the arm, then holding hands, arm around waist, then kissing if she’s open to it. If she reciprocates, continue. If she stiffens, back off slightly. The idea is two steps forward, and one step back. The concept here is that you should lead the interaction and intimacy, and if there is resistance, then just be calm and keep having fun. The rule is to hang out, have fun, and hookup in that order.