Hi, I’m Coach A-Man, and today I wil be breaking down this newsletter called “How To Attract A High-Value Long-Term Girlfriend?”

Quick Summary

It’s very common for men to misinterpret being “nice” from being “good”. These are two very different things. We have here a guy who just explains it very well. It’s funny but in reality, common sense is not common at all. When I say to not be a “nice guy”, I don’t mean to go out, be rude, and be mean to everyone. It’s not that. It’s common sense that being like that won’t work. But what I’m trying to say is that being able to say no to things that you don’t want to say no to gives you character. Instead of just being a “yes man” and just going around the world pretending that you’re just being “polite” and being “nice” makes you look like a jackass and weak. Let’s say you are on a date with a woman and you two are having a just discussion of whatever topic, if you are saying yes and going with whatever she says, then she will be absolutely bored and uninterested with you. I don’t say that to disagree with whatever she says and to disregard how she feels. I am just implying that if there are thoughts and opinions that you don’t agree with, don’t just say it and have a playful and friendly debate with her. There is nothing wrong with that. That is more interesting and attractive in her eyes if your goal is to have a romantic and intimate relationship with her. So let’s go through this guy’s message and let’s talk about this and dissect it a little bit.

You’re Right, Women Don’t Like “Nice Guys”

I know to most this is common sense but I feel like I have to say this bc I see dudes saying this all the time. If you’re someone who says women don’t like nice guys, you’re actually right, but you don’t understand why.

Most of the time, “nice guy” just means insecure. He’s polite, not because it’s who he is, but because he wants to be liked. It feels fake. And nothing turns people off faster than insecurity.

What women actually want is a GOOD MAN. Someone who’s kind and respectful, but also knows who he is. He has a backbone, sets boundaries, and doesn’t fold himself into whatever shape he thinks a woman wants.

So yeah, don’t stop being kind. Just stop doing it to get something back.

“Nice Guy” is a Code Word for Weakness

When men say “women don’t like nice guys,” they’re right, but they misunderstand the reason why. This isn’t a moral judgment because it’s a matter of perspective.

Why Your “Niceness” Isn’t Nice

The “nice guy” isn’t genuinely kind. He’s performing kindness as a transaction. He’s polite, agreeable, and overly accommodating not because it’s his authentic nature, but because he’s seeking external validation and approval. That’s how it comes out in the real world and that is how she sees it. Being “too nice” is coming off that he is trying to “bribe” her by being too nice to get something from her through it. It comes out as a transaction. It’s not smooth, flattering, or romantic in any way. Your niceness is a desperate plea for acceptance, an attempt to manipulate the outcome. It comes out as you are forcing your way through her. This leads to behavior where he constantly prioritizes her needs and desires over his own, lacks clear boundaries, and avoids any form of conflict or disagreement, even when it’s necessary.

This is the approval-seeking trap. Instead of going back and forth with her, and making it fun for her, what is happening when you do this is that you are forcing her to do things (because your niceness comes off as a transaction and it makes her feel that you are forcing her to do something for you) is you are making her uncomfortable, which then makes her back of and pull away from you. You’re operating from a position of scarcity. You are positioning yourself from a weak and unattractive position. In other words you are making yourself look like a loser to her. Being “nice” this way is believing that your inherent value isn’t enough, so you have to “earn” her attention through excessive “niceness.” It’s bribing her, and that is not attractive and romantic. You implicitly communicate that your own desires, purpose, and boundaries are secondary to her potential approval. Women want to be with the man who feels and knows that he is the man, and when you do this, it puts her in a position of power and in her “masculine” frame and you in a position of subservience, “feminine” frame, which is profoundly unattractive. It just ruins the sexual polarity between you. If there is no sexual attraction or romantic energy, then she’ll just see as every other guy. Women, whether they articulate it or not, crave a man with a strong frame. A man who knows who he is, what he wants, and isn’t afraid to stand for it. When you lack this, you appear weak, unsure, and ultimately, unappealing.

What You Should Do: Foundational Energetic Shifts

1. Identify Your “Why”: Before you do anything “nice” for a woman, stop and ask yourself: “Am I doing this because it aligns with my values and brings me genuine satisfaction, or am I doing this to get a specific reaction or outcome from her?” Be brutally honest. If it’s the latter, stop. It’s not wrong to be nice, to give her compliments, open doors for her, be polite and all that, but if it is pushy and deep down you know that you are doing it to get her “attention” to force her to like you more than she does, then that is what you dont want.
2. Practice Discomfort: Start saying “no” to small, inconvenient requests that you’d normally agree to just to be agreeable. Prioritize your own schedule, your own needs, and your own purpose. This builds your internal locus of control and strengthens your frame. Start small. The idea here by practicing saying “no” is you are practicing to say things that you don’t actually like. Perhaps there is a conversation and there is a topic you really don’t like, then say it how it is that you don’t like it. It shows her that you have a character, you have things that you like and things that you don’t like, and that you stand up for it because you are a man who has integrity to himself.
3. Embrace Polarity: Understand that feminine energy is drawn to grounded, directional masculine energy. When you are overly compliant, you collapse the polarity, turning a potential romantic connection into a lukewarm friendship. You’re not being a man; you’re being a friendly doormat. It’s not about being overboard and being “macho”, but it is about going back and forth with her. That is the main idea to not be so nice when you don’t have to be nice. Be polite and be fun to talk to, I’m just implying that if you want a feminine woman, then you have to be masculine man and say no to something that you are deeply against (eg: idea, opinion, etc), but to not be rude and mean about it. It’s a dance. Embrace and play with the energy exchange.

Kindness with a Backbone

The women who tell you they want a “nice guy” are often misarticulating their true desires. What they actually crave is a good man. “Nice Guy” and “Good Guy” are very different people.

Strength, Purpose, and Integrity

A good man is kind and respectful, but his kindness stems from an inner abundance, not a deficit. If someone checks him or does something to him, then he will not be so nice because he has to step up for himself, but this doesn’t mean that he goes around with his chest puffed up. He’s kind because it’s who he is, not what he does to get something. He understands attraction isn’t about being a “simp”; it’s about being a leader. He embodies purpose, discipline, and integrity, and throughout his journey in finding these 3 for himself, he has generated that inner confidence that it just reeks as being nice. He has a mission that transcends any single woman, and he invites her to be a part of his already exciting, fulfilling life, rather than making her the center of his existence. He doesn’t need external validation because he’s validated by his own adherence to his principles. The idea is that he is confident with himself and that he is not overtly trying to prove himself to anyone by being “nice” because he already have that inner confidence.

This embodies the 7 Principles of a Good Man that I teach in my book “The Art of Dating”: A man of integrity, purpose, confidence, discipline, emotional mastery, abundance, and calibrated action. He understands the rule of building genuine connection and he doesn’t rush intimacy, and he just gently guides and increases her attraction level so the natural flow of attraction grows. He leads the courtship because masculine energy directs and penetrates, while feminine energy receives and flows. He doesn’t seek permission; he seeks alignment.

What You Should Do

1. Lead with Purpose, Not With Doubts: When initiating contact or a date, state your intention clearly and confidently. The idea is to have specific place, time, and date, and to ask her to “join” you and not to “ask her”.
   • Instead of: “Hey, are you free sometime? I’d love to hang out if you’re not too busy.” (Indecisive, permission-seeking)
   • Try: “I’m planning to check out that new [restaurant/bar/event] on [specific day] around [specific time]. I would love to have some company and I would like it to be with you. Would you care to join me?” (Direct, purposeful, invites participation).
2. Set Non-Negotiable Boundaries: If she flakes, cancels last minute without rescheduling, or consistently puts minimal effort into communication, address it calmly or pull back. No and reasons are the same, if she is saying reasons, then that is her telling you that she is not interested. But if she is say no or any reasons but and she suggests reschedulling with a specific place, time, and date, then that means that she is still attracted to you.
   • Scenario: She cancels at the last minute with a vague excuse.
   • Your Response: “Okay, that’s a shame. I was so excited and would have loved to see and spend time with you. Let me know if your schedule opens up in the future.” Then, genuinely disengage. Don’t chase or offer alternative plans immediately. Let her initiate the next step if she’s truly interested. If she is not suggesting a reschelued date, then that is your sign to walk away and to never look back because she is not attracted to you and you are just wasting your time.
3. Master Your Frame in Conversation: When she challenges you or expresses a strong emotion, remain unreactive. Don’t get defensive, and don’t try to immediately “fix” her mood. Most of the time, women just want to open up and be emotional with just you standing there and validating how she feels. She just wants you to validate how she feels rather than trying to solve or fix her.
   • Scenario: She complains about something trivial or tests your patience.
   • Your Response: Listen intently, perhaps acknowledge her feeling (“That sounds frustrating”), but then pivot back to your purpose, stay calm, composed, and keep the conversation light, fun, and positive for you and her. Don’t get drawn into her emotional drama (especially if it is too much negative emotion). You are the calm in her storm, not another wave.
4. Observe Her Actions, Not Just Her Words: Women communicate through signals. The key to understanding women is to understand what she “does” not what she “says”. If she says “I’m busy” but her body language (closed off, no eye contact) screams disinterest, believe the body language. Reading signs is critical when talking and interacting with women. There are a lot of signs and I can’t possibly explain it to you because it is a “feeling” but do look for:
   • Foot direction: Are her feet pointed towards you?
   • Hip orientation: Is her body angled towards yours?
   • Sustained eye contact: Does she hold your gaze, or dart away?
   • Light touches: Does she find reasons to touch your arm or shoulder?
   • Hair touching/preening: A classic sign of feminine attraction.
   • Mirroring: Does she subtly mimic your posture or gestures?
   • Attention: Is she paying attention to you or is her mind wondering somewhere else implying that she is bored and uninterested towards you?
   • Vibe and Energy: Does it feel like she is interested and attracted to you as a potential lover and does she show it throughher actions, energy, vibe, and subtle signs when you interact with her?
5. These actions speak louder than any words. Words can be a lie; actions won’t.

The Magnetism of a Purpose-Driven Man

Attracting a high-value woman isn’t a separate skill you “learn” for dating. It’s a byproduct of becoming a high-value man. This is why I always explain to men that you need to be “The Man” first then the women will come. Fake it if you have to. But believe in it that by faking it over and over again, over time you will become it in the end. That is the goal, to become the man that you don’t have to fake it  Your entire life, your purpose, your discipline. These are all the foundations of your magnetic appeal and what attracts women. Try it yourself and feel the results yourself.

Purpose & Mission:

Commit to identifying and relentlessly pursuing your life’s core purpose, making it your #1 priority. There is no one else that is going to make  your life great, amazing, and fun. It is all up to you. You can read as much as you can, but unless you start doing stuff for yourself then you won;t be seeing any result. This isn’t just about making money because it’s about what you become at the end of it. It’s also what you’re building, what problems you’re solving, what legacy you’re creating. Dedicate significant, non-negotiable time daily to this mission. A man without a purpose is a puppet of external circumstances. If you are a man of genuine substance and has character and have been through hardships, then you won’t be neeing women’s approval to feel great because the only company you need is yourself. Women are the results of what you have built and done for yourself. Women are a compliment to your life, not your life.

Discipline & Self-Mastery:

Dedicate daily time to physical and mental discipline. Hit the gym hard, forge your body into a weapon, not a weak vessel. The idea here is to practice and overcome hardships through discpline. This allows you to analyze and estimate how strong you are internally and externally. Read books, expand your mind, learn new skills. Master your internal world so you are not swayed by external chaos or emotional whims. This builds an unshakeable inner game and the confidence that women find irresistible. You are what you repeatedly do. You can also practice approaching women and start mastering it and implement discpline that way. That can be another practice that you can do.

Emotional Control:

Practice emotional self-regulation. Do not be reactive. Do not allow a woman’s moods or tests to throw you off your center. Be the rock. She needs to feel that you are an unshakeable force, a refuge from chaos, not a participant in it, and she can sense that nothing that she does will  affect you emotionally. This will make her feel safe, that she can trust and open up to you. If she is opening up to you, so will her legs. Learn to observe your emotions without being consumed by them. This is true strength because it comes from the inside.

Reframe & Resilience:

Reframe rejection or setbacks not as failures, but as data points and opportunities for growth. Don’t look at it is a rejection, but look at it that you are still making mistakes so that means that you need to practice more and get better. Every “no” is a redirection. Adopt a mindset of continuous improvement. The world will try to break you; your job is to get stronger with every hit. Don’t be a victim; be a victor. Also, try practicing when you interact with women to assume that all women are “attracted” and are “in love” with you. Your interaction with her will flow much better for you, and if she rejects you, then you can see it that it’s her loss not yours. Also, try aproaching and interacting with women that you are not interested in. Same concept applies because you can practice your approaches and interactions, and if they reject you, then that is fine because it is their loss.

Cultivating Abundance:

Focus on creating an abundant life in all areas from finances, health, relationships (platonic and romantic), and passions. An abundant man doesn’t need a woman because he chooses to invite one into his already rich and fulfilling existence. This way you will allso be choosy and picky  with women, hence making it easy to be “needy” and for you to say “no” at some women. This creates an aura of self-sufficiency that women are drawn to like a moth to a flame. Trust me with this. Build your empire, and the queen will come to join you.

Stop Wishing, Start Doing

The “nice guy” dies hard because it’s comfortable. It’s safe. No one wants who doesn’t take risks in life. No one does, not even you. Nice guys are weak guys because they try to avoi conflict, rejections, and hard truths. But comfort and safety don’t forge men because they create weak men that are slaves to external validation. The path to attracting a high-value woman, to building a powerful life, is not found in being “nice.” It’s found in embodying strength, purpose, discipline, and uncompromising authenticity. Be a man first, then the women will come to you. You got to look in the mirror and ask yourself, “If you were a woman, would you sleep with yourself based on how you look, present yourself, confidence, how you talk, and your achievements in life? Or would you just go to another guy because you are worthless and attractive?”. If the answer is no, then you have work to do. Forget the women, look at you and work on you. If you don’t love yourself, then why would she will?

I know what it feels like to be lost, to think the answer is outside of you. I have been a loser and a simp. It led me nowhere. I now realized that after trying a lot of tecnniques, learning a lot of stuff from a lot of people and books, and everything of that kind. This is why I made this website and why I wrote “The Art of Dating”. I spent years being a lose. I don’t want to be like that again and I don’t want men to be like that their whole lives. I realized that the moment, over time, when I stopped looking for external validation and started building my own self, my own body, my own mind, my own mission, then everything changed. The relationships that once felt like a struggle became effortless. See it for yourself. If it sound like I’m full of shit, then I atleast want you to work on yourself, read my book to get all the knowledge and reasonings for it, and see it for yourself. Callm be a bullshitter or whatever, but do this first then I’ll let you tell me it. Because when you stopped being a “nice guy” and started being a good man, then you will be a a powerful, purpose-driven man who knows his worth and demands respect. Only then you will be able to truly feel to be a “Goog Guy” is very different than being a “nice guy”, and that you reallly don’t want to be a nice guy. You’re not going to get laid and be in a romantic, intimate relationship that way, trust me. Even if for some reason you did, sooner or later she will leave because you’re no good and you don’t have a backbone.

This isn’t theory. This is real and this is what I am trying to teach other men. The world doesn’t reward softness. It rewards strength, action, and unyielding conviction.  The world rewards the bold, and if the world rewards the bold, then you as a nice guy will get nothing. You stand for nothing, not even for yourself. Stop complaining, stop wishing, stop making excuses. Start doing the work. Build yourself into the man you are meant to be. The results will follow. The woman you desire is waiting for you to become the man who can lead her, protect her, and challenge her to be her best self. Read my book. It’s free for you. Go to WorkandDating.com, go to the products tab, and put your email in the box, then get your free copy. If you don’t like my book, then go read someone else. What I’m trying to say here is just go out there and learn.