Hi, I’m Coach A-Man, and today I would be breaking down this newsletter called “I Don’t Know How to Move On. She Cheated. I’m Not Okay.”
Quick Summary
Gentlemen,
We have here a message from a guy who says that his woman cheated on him, physically and therefore also emotionally. It’s pretty raw and bleeding and it’s about a situation that far too many men experience, one way or the other. She cheated. She promised the world, then handed it to some random “gym dude”. Man it sucks to be in this position. I understand how it feels and I feel for the man. This is why I always emphasize learning about the three stages of relationship dynamics so you don’t be in this guy’s position, the pickup, dating, & relationship stage. Understand that these are all different and what you do and not do in each of these stages are all different. That is why I highly advise you to subscribe to my email newsletter and subscribe on my email waiting list for “The Art of Dating” where I break all of these down. It’s also very important to know what you want with the relationship you want to be in, whether it’s just a hookup or one night stand, or a long-term relationship, because the vetting process is very important if you want to be in a long-term relationship with a woman. Just like this guy, I am very sure that he didn’t vet the woman properly. That’s why he ended up in this situation and feeling this way. I break this message down for other men like you can learn from it, become better, and to not feel this way.
So let’s go through his email.
I Don’t Know How to Move On. She Cheated. I’m Not Okay.
I don’t know where to even begin. I’ve typed and deleted this like ten times, but maybe writing it will help.
She cheated on me.
We were together for 3 years. I gave her everything — my time, loyalty, money, love, attention, my f*cking soul. She said I was “her world,” that she couldn’t imagine life without me. And then I caught her cheating with some gym dude she met like two months ago.
I found the texts. It wasn’t even hidden. It was right there. “Last night was amazing” — he said that. To my girlfriend. And she replied with heart emojis and god knows what else. I confronted her. She didn’t even deny it. You know what she said?
That broke me in a way I can’t explain.
She moved on like I never existed. I couldn’t eat for two days. I couldn’t sleep. The apartment still smells like her. Her toothbrush is still next to mine. I haven’t had the strength to throw it away.
Two days after the breakup, she posted a f*cking boomerang with him, captioned: “My peace”
Peace? I gave her everything. I sacrificed. I stayed loyal. I planned a future. I loved her deeply — and now she’s living her best life with some guy who probably can’t spell “commitment.”
I saw them a week later at the café we used to go to. She was laughing. Wearing the scarf I gave her. He had his arm around her. I walked away before I collapsed in front of them.
Every night I cry. In the shower, in bed, in my car. I wake up tired, I go to sleep empty. I don’t talk to anyone unless I have to. I’m not living — I’m just existing. Barely.
Started therapy. My therapist says I have signs of depression and emotional trauma. I don’t even deny it. I feel like I’m rotting inside while she’s out smiling, brunching, f*cking. And then guess what?
Two months later — she gets cheated on by the same guy. Her friend told me. He was sleeping with multiple women behind her back. She’s devastated now.
She even messaged me last week:
I didn’t reply. Not because I hate her. But because I can’t. There’s nothing left of me to give anymore.
I don’t want revenge. I don’t want her back. I just want to feel normal again. I want to stop waking up with this ache in my chest. I want to stop seeing her in every song, every street, every f*cking corner of my brain.
If you’re reading this and you’re going through heartbreak: I’m not gonna say it gets better fast. It doesn’t. It f*cking hurts like hell. But I’m hoping, maybe, one day soon, it will hurt a little less.
Right now? I’m just trying to survive.
This is very common. On average and in the general scheme of things, women break up with men more than men break up with women. Besides normal relationships like this, this simple fact is proven by divorce courts. 70% of women initiate the divorce compared to men who initiate 30% of the time. It’s just facts, hate it or love it. That’s the way it goes. If you look at the facts women are more logical with their feelings and men are more emotional with their logic. This is why I emphasize the importance of understanding and learning the female and the relationship dynamics. I’m writing a book called “The Art of Dating” which I am giving out for free because men need this knowledge more than women. Women are more natural with these dynamics and their “radar” and senses are way better than mens because they study and think about it all the time. I suggest you gain more knowledge on the women and men dynamics, focusing, understanding, and learning the differences between the three stages of relationship: pickup, dating, and the relationship stage. All three are different, hence your mindset and how you move (regarding what to do and what not to do) are different with each stage. Just learn the knowledge, there are many books about these. I am writing a book for you called “The Art of Dating” like I said, but you don’t even need to read and wait for my book, go out there and read something else. I just want you to go out there and learn about these because it will help you.
The Illusion of Loyalty & The Female Imperative
Nice Guy vs Good Guy
You poured your soul into her and you gave her everything. And she still went looking elsewhere. Why? Because you likely became too much of a sure thing, too comfortable, too much of a “nice guy”. Being a “nice guy” and a “good guy” are both completely different things. By the sound of it you were the “nice guy”. Being the “good guy” is different. Being the good guy is doing all these still, being loyal, making her feel wanted and desired, being there for her, and being good for her but when it comes to disrespect and acts of disloyalty from her, the good guy will stand up for himself, say something about it, say that it’s out of line and crossing a boundary and will execute a consequence. When i say consequence and all these, i don’t mean to go bonanza, crazy, and to physically and emotionally abuse her. It just means that you tell her that you don’t like it and make sure that she hears it. And when things don’t change and the disrespect is still there, then the good guy (even though he loves the woman and every fiber of his being wants her) is going to walk away because he is being disrespected and the woman is doing acts of disloyalty. That’s it.
Two Sides of the Attraction
Your situation here is very common for guys and I’ve seen it over and over. What happened is focused too much on what you’re getting and your attraction towards her, and you forgot to look at the other side of the equation which is what she is getting in the relationship and you forgot to gauge her attraction towards you. The idea is to always watch her attraction level towards you and always work on getting it higher where she is deeply in love with you. There is nothing wrong or toxic about that and don’t let the world tell you any different. I didn’t say to be crazy and control her, it just means to give yourself out there to the world and to her and watch for the result that comes back. If you are getting the results that you want, which is getting her attraction level higher, then just do more of that. If you’re not getting the results that you want, then do one step back and proceed again as so on working to get her attraction level higher. In your situation, if the disrespect is there and she’s clearly showing that she doesn’t care about you by her action, then what you do is go up, politely say that you gave her your best and that you don’t want that she is doing these towards you and the relationship and that she doesn’t respect your wishes and boundaries, then calmly say your goodbye and never look back. That’s it. There’s no thought of revenge against her. But if you really want revenge, then the best revenge you can give here is work on yourself, work on your business, work on your physical health, get abs, make more money, and do these for 10 years until you have built an empire and maximize all your attributes. That is it, that’s the best revenge you can give her.
Complacency & Forgetting to Date Her
More than likely, you have probably become a wimp in the relationship. You stopped being the man “trying to date and get her”. Guys usually forget that to maintain a woman and get a woman is the same thing. You have to do what you did to get her to maintain her. You have to take her out still, ask her to go out like it’s your first time and all that. But the other side of that equation you shouldn’t forget as well. The idea is you have to date her. Most guys that are in this situation in their mind are, “i have already made her my girlfriend, so I can just sit back because she won’t go away”. Wrong. Women want to be emotionally stimulated by the act of dating, the mystery of the date, mystery of the date, the fun of the date, how fun she is having, how open she is because wants to be open, talk, and have fun. Once you stop doing this, eventually someone else will, which is what happened to your situation. I’m sorry that you’re here but part of it is your fault. You should have been the man in the first place. You stopped challenging her, stopped being the dominant, mysterious man she fell for. Her “world” wasn’t you, it was her world, where you were a convenient fixture until a shinier object appeared.
Date Her To Get Her
The “peace” she sought with the gym dude? That’s the fleeting excitement of novelty, the temporary high of a new conquest. What she felt with the guy is how you made her feel to get her. The only reason she is with this guy now is because she is craving this experience of being wanted and desired. Women in their feminine energy will always crave this, the dating dynamics and the experience. If you stop doing it, then someone else will. It’s also the same reason why women will often test your boundaries. You likely allowed her to get away with subtle and small disrespect, or perhaps you put her on a pedestal so high she felt no challenge, no reason to continue earning your devotion. The phrase “treat her like a celebrity, then she’ll treat you like a fan”. This is completely what happened. In healthy relationship dynamics, the man should always lead. Lead the date, lead the goals of the relationship, lead her to have fun with him, lead her to hang out, and eventually lead her in the bedroom, then just repeat the whole process. It’s a fine balance that’s why it’s important to have the knowledge of do’s and don’ts. I outline this in my book “The Art of Dating”. It’s important to have knowledge because both sides of the coin are important. She didn’t respect you enough to be loyal because your value, in her eyes, depreciated. A woman’s loyalty is often directly proportional to the strength and purpose of the man she’s with. When you lose that sight and that energy, she’ll go where she perceives more strength. Which in this case, the gym dude.
The Fatal Flaw: Getting Attached to the Outcome
Making Her Your “Universe”
You made her the center of your universe, and that, my friend, is your fatal error. A man’s world and universe should be his life, purpose, and goals. It should be our work, your goals on your money, your situation, your business or you starting your own business, your own body, mind, and peace. Everything else is just a bonus and the “cherry on top”. When you give someone your “soul”, what you’re doing is you’re giving away your power, your core, and your inner strength, which is what attracts women in the first place. So by that theory, what you’re doing is making her lose attraction towards you. Women want to be a part of the man’s life, and not for her to be his “whole life”. Like a phrase that I heard somewhere, “if you’re out there screaming mommy, then she’s not going to be screaming daddy”. You became too invested, too available, too predictable. You took all the mystery and fun away from her. You placed her on a pedestal, and in doing so, you diminished your own perceived value. Become the prize, not the pursuer. Women are like cats, when you chase, they run. So what you should do is set up a life and make it fun for them so that they find it interesting and operate that way. When you’re abundant and focused on your purpose, they come to you. Always remember. This is so true and I can’t explain it into words. Until you feel it for yourself, it’ll open a new world about women for you and it’ll amaze you how they really work and fall in love. The only thing holding you back is knowledge. That’s why I’m writing you these newsletters and making you this book “The Art of Dating”. Subscribe to the newsletters and read them. I make these everyday for men like so I can help you and help me to sharpen my mind and be on point.
Overlooking Red Flags: Emotions vs. Logic
It’s a common thing for men to ignore red flags when looking for a woman. What men usually find, especially if they have no experience, is just wanting to sleep with a woman (I’m not saying everyone, I’m just saying on average). Then what happens after they sleep and get the woman, they become so infatuated by the sex and become overwhelmed by the emotions and they become attached. Since they were on it just to get the “sex” and not the long-term relationship, they usually don’t vet the woman properly if she is a good woman or not. The emotions came in first, then the logic came next. Which is what usually happens. Prior to this cheating and your situation, she gave you signs before intentionally or unintentionally. Was she messaging other guys when you guys were together? Was her parents together or not? Are the parents toxic? How did she grow up, was there a lot of cheating and lying going around? These can all impact her negatively or positively. They massively impact her actions because you’ll likely become what you grew up with. Since initially what you wanted was the initial pickup stage (which is the fun of the sex and those lines), you have overlooked these areas and have become emotionally invested from there on. This is the error that you have made. Since the emotions are now involved before the vetting process, thinking about the idea that she is not the woman for you is hard because you have already made this “future” with. Emotions are logic is not the way to go about this.
The Brutal Truth About The Vetting Process
Women are women, there’s nothing you can do about it. Feminine energy and the feminine energy is the way it is. The best thing we can do is understand it and work around it. By the sounds of it, she is partly not a good woman. Think about it, would a good woman be sleeping around and getting other guys’ attention when she is supposed to be with a man who she said she loves? A good woman would politely say something about their relationship and break up with you first, then go and see other guys. But partly because she has insecurities of her own that’s why she did this. It’s not your fault that you are in your situation, but it’s your fault that you didn’t have the knowledge to vet and analyse her properly before going all out and giving her everything. Again, what is holding you back is the knowledge. When you don’t put an effort to learn about these things, when you stop improving, and when you stop providing and showing her that you are the “best option”, then she will move on. Your planning for the future was a fantasy you built, not a shared reality. You fell in love with potential, not the reality of her character. Understand that part of this was your fault, and part of it was your fault. You can’t change her nor should you want to. The only thing you have and can work on and gain the benefit.
The Bitter Taste of Justice & The Cycle of Low Character
Her Words vs. Her Actions
She messaged you, “I know I messed up. I’m devastated.” This isn’t remorse, this is weakness. You have to understand that to understand women is to understand that her true intentions are her actions. What a woman’s actions is what she really is trying to say. The idea here is no and reasons are the same. She still said no. Like how a woman would say no by you going up to her and asking for her contact details and saying that you’re interested in her. She might say it politely, but she still said no. Regardless of what she says, what a woman’s true intention is not with her words but by her actions. When she messaged you saying that she messed up, she still did it. She entertained him, flirted with the guy, made herself “single” and open to him, showered and shaved before going to see him, went to her car, and went for a fuel before seeing him, and drove to him and had sex with him. None of this was an accident and no she didn’t feel like she messed up and no she doesn’t feel devastated about it. She’s mad that she got caught, but she’s not mad that she cheated because she wanted to cheat. Her actions tells you what she wants to do, not her words.
Like Attracts Like
Two months later — she gets cheated on by the same guy. Her friend told me. He was sleeping with multiple women behind her back. She’s devastated now.
She even messaged me last week:
I didn’t reply. Not because I hate her. But because I can’t. There’s nothing left of me to give anymore.
This is a woman who, having been given a taste of her own medicine, is now looking for a familiar comfort blanket – you, that’s why she messaged you. Like how I said that a person tends to become who they grew up with and grew up seeing. It’s not your fault that she is this way, this is her having a lack of character and self-respect. This is just a pattern of the person. She grew up seeing this so in her mind this is normal and she doesn’t feel or see anything wrong with it. Since she grew up seeing that this is normal, she (like anyone would in their specific situation) would see and tend to attract people that are like this as weil. Intentionally or unintentionally, she will also attract a man who cheats and does the same things that she does. Things that are alike tend to attract each other. She is a cheater, and the guy she cheated with is also a cheater. This is why I emphasize the importance of learning, having knowledge, and becoming the person you want to date because things that are alike tend to attract each other. She ran to the “gym dude” for “peace” and that adrenaline rush, and he promptly demonstrated his own lack of character, exactly what you’d expect from a rebound. This is a predictable pattern of someone with low emotional intelligence and poor vetting skills. She made a bad choice, and now she’s feeling the pain. Just like what I have been saying, she attracted a man that is just like her.
Your Path Forward
I don’t want revenge. I don’t want her back. I just want to feel normal again. I want to stop waking up with this ache in my chest. I want to stop seeing her in every song, every street, every f*cking corner of my brain.
This is the correct approach on how to go about this situation. I know it’s hard, I have felt this so many times and I have learned the lessons and I have started this website, articles, and books around things that I have learned over the years. Do not confuse her pain with your healing. Her suffering is a result of her choices, not a sign that she deserves your pity or attention. She’s devastated about her situation? Good. Because that is the result of her actions. I will say this to her, you, or anyone. Dating and relationship is a skill, the results are a direct reflection of who you are as a person. I can only say my best opinion and advice, but it’s still up to you what you want to do. What I’ll say to her is that this is the price of being disloyal and making poor decisions. If a person like this grew up in situations like this, then that’s fine because it’s your parent’s fault, but since you are an able bodied person and have a fully functioning brain, then there’s no reason for you to not grow and learn about how things really work. You are not her therapist, you are not her shoulder to cry on. Your silence was powerful. If you are not getting what you want after giving the best version of yourself, then the best thing you can give is the gift of missing you. It communicated that you respect yourself more than to entertain her emotional manipulation. Your mindset should be that you are a high value man and you don’t entertain or tolerate a woman with low values. You’re exactly right, there’s nothing left to give her because she took everything and gave nothing of lasting value in return. Focus on yourself. Her problems are her own. You should only give the “universe” and your “soul” to only yourself, because no one will help you in this world. Only you can stir your own boat. I am here to help guide you, but you still have to do the work and study this knowledge.
The Path To Rebuilding Yourself
Sadness vs. Sickness
You’re hurting, yes. You’re feeling the signs of depression and emotional trauma. This is the consequence of investing too much in the wrong person and allowing yourself to be blindsided. But here’s the hard truth: staying in that state, letting yourself “rot inside,” is a choice. You can choose to be a victim, or you can choose to be a victor. If I was in your situation, I wouldn’t say that I’m “depressed” or I have this emotional “trauma” because what you’re doing here is giving it power and you’re entertaining that idea and positioning yourself in a weaker position. What I would do is call it that I’m just more “sad” compared to the other times that I’m sad. You’re not depressed, you’re just more sad. Just like how some days you are happy, or sad, today you are just more sad than normal. Take your power back and position yourself from a strong position. This will give you the inner confidence and inner strength to do stuff. Don’t hold yourself back from this power. Go outwards and do more stuff, achieve more goals, get abs, achieve your personal record on your yearly income. Just do something and channel this energy and sadness that you’re feeling and bear it to submission.
Pain into Purpose
Go back to yourself, dig deeper, look at yourself in the mirror, and ask yourself what do you want to do and achieve from here. Channel this energy that you’re feeling to become better. Don’t just let it take over you that you don’t even want to put up a fight for yourself and what you’re feeling. Do something about it, achieve your dreams. Your value as a man is not derived from a woman’s fleeting affection and attention. It comes from your mission, your drive, your competence. Go to the gym, not to spite her, but to build yourself into a physical machine. Beat and workout for 3 months and beat your body into submission and channel your energy there. Or focus on your career, your financial freedom, your skills. Become so obsessed with yourself, in your own growth and improvement that her memory becomes nothing. If you truly love yourself, then help yourself.
The Unbreakable Man
You are feeling weak because you allowed yourself to be weak. You put a woman above your purpose and yourself. You didn’t love and prioritize yourself. This is a painful lesson. Now, get up. Hit the weights. Make money. Build your empire. Women are attracted to power, strength, and success. Of course you still have to be sweet, caring, desiring her, wanting her, being loya to her, and all that but the idea is to give yourself to the world and to her and react to what comes back. You want to be with a woman and be there for her, but at the sign of disrespect and disloyalty you have to apply the consequence. Not in an abusive way but through not tolerating and entertaining it by moving on to someone better. You’re not going to get over her by crying in your car. How you get over her is by becoming a man she couldn’t have kept.
Pain Is Your Superpower
This pain is your superpower. Let it forge you into something unbreakable. The ache in your chest? That’s the residue of a lesson you needed to learn. So go out there, read my newsletters, and subscribe to the waiting list for “The Art of Dating”. Just learn and do something productive. Don’t seek to “feel normal again” by returning to your old self. Seek to feel stronger, wiser, and more dangerous than you ever were. This is your opportunity to level up in every area of your life. Don’t waste it by crying and breaking down all day.
No Contact, Move On, Get Better
No contact isn’t about punishing her, it’s about protecting and healing yourself. You’re not out here to hate and revenge after her. Don’t do that because that is not good for anyone or the society. The more you do this, the more you’ll hurt yourself because what you are doing is reopening the wound. What I’m implying here is using that sadness, betrayal, and that loneliness that you’re feeling and channeling it to more productive things that will actually benefit you, not drain you. So cleanse everything, throw out all the stuff that you have that reminds you of her, change the routines that remind you of her, make new routines, make new goals, and go to new places. The idea here is to refresh and reset your mind by doing new things and forgetting things that make you think of her. It’s not easy, it’ll take emotional and physical strength to do so, but just move. Doing little things is way better than doing nothing at all. If what you can do is just to go for a 5 minute walk on a new route, then do so. Just do.
When someone shows and tells you who they are, believe them. She showed you she’s a woman of low character, incapable of true loyalty. The pain you feel is the withdrawal from a toxic addiction. This is who she is and you can’t do anything about that. What you can do is learn to change and better yourself. Change old habits that made you attract a woman like this, understand that you’ll attract a person like you so if you want a healthy and loyal woman then you need to become one too, learn the pickup, dating, & relationship skills, and learn to focus on yourself and beat your goals and achieve your dreams into submission. Keep moving.
You want to feel normal? You don’t want to be just normal because normal is what got you here in the first place. You want to feel powerful, strong, and better. This woman was a liability. She showed you her true colors, and that’s valuable information. It’s much better to know now than to learn about it 10 years down the line when you have built a life together and you have kids together. This is a much better position than that. The universe just cleared space for something better for you, something deserving of your time and energy. Stop hoping it ‘hurts a little less’ and start making moves so you don’t even have time for it to hurt. Build such an incredible life that her memory doesn’t matter anymore and that you’re glad that it happened because it made you better. This will only work if you work on yourself and understand what went wrong and improve it. If you don’t, understand that the universe will give you another situation like this and because you didn’t understand what went wrong, then you’ll do the same actions and you will feel this again and again. This isn’t about “getting better fast”. It’s about getting stronger, smarter, and more discerning. Use this pain as your fuel. Transform it into drive. The man who gave his “everything” to women is gone and the man who is weak is gone. Long live the man who owns his own soul and dedicates it to his purpose. Remember that you don’t want revenge. You don’t want her back and you don’t want women like these because both of those mindsets keep you tethered to her and to your weaker self. You want to feel normal again? Define that new normal. A normal where your self-worth is non-negotiable, where your boundaries are steel, where your focus is relentlessly on your ascent, the woman you are dating is more loyal, happy with you, respects you, and enjoys your attention. The woman who cheated on you was a lesson. Learn it, internalize it, and never repeat it. Now, go build a life that makes her, and any woman of low character, irrelevant.
